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March 15, 2005
Perfection
I had a perfect smoothie today for lunch. And the kicker is that I made it myself. Red raspberry sorbet, half a banana, organic strawberries and blackberries and orange juice, and a scoop of soy powder. It was perfect. Best smoothie I've ever had.
And then I went to the orthopedist for my pre-op appointment. I was extremely nice to the staff, including the woman who works with insurance, demonstrating that politeness and a thank you is always much more powerful than being a big, old beeatch. Now they'll be tripping over themselves to be helpful. I win.
I go under the knife on Thursday morning. Don't know the exact time yet, I'll find out tomorrow during my pre-op phone appointment with the outpatient facility. But it's scheduled, and I have brought home my post-op brace and fancy little ice water anti-swelling cuff and a prescription for painkillers and a map to the clinic and a set of exercises to begin doing immediately following the surgery to be sure I get my full range of motion back as quickly as possible.
I also have the assurance of the doctor and the surgical assistant that I will not have general anaesthesia. I'm terrified of that. With all my allergies, I worry about being put under and never coming back. Or about coming back only with great difficulty and brain damage. I told the assistant that when he read that part of the waiver to me and he then told me about the other option (which I already knew existed, thanks to my brother-in-law John who had his ACL repaired about 6 months ago). I will be getting heavy sedation (so that I don't care what happens) and an epidural. Which, of course, comes with its own set of dangers, but at least I can be pretty sure of being Sally again when it's all over with.
I had huge amounts of questions for the doctor today, a complete 180 from what the previous meetings had been like, when I needed time to think about things and to figure out what questions I actually had. We discussed hamstring vs. patellar tendons in the graft, my family history of osteoporosis (which makes the hamstring option the best for me, he says), when I can start physical therapy, and how soon I can drive (after I can do 10 unassisted leg lifts).
And then, because I had read that the hamstring tendon option has a potential side effect of weakness in that leg, I asked if, when all was said and done, I'd be able to leg press 225. I didn't say "again," which I probably should have added, because I think he thought I was kidding. You know, "Doc, will I be able to leg press 225 after the surgery?" "Of course." "Great! Because I've never been able to do that before." But I was actually leg pressing 230+ just before I came to Moscow, and I'd like to get that strength back. He looked stunned for a moment and then said that most people actually end up stronger than they were before because they are consciously working to strengthen those muscles. I'm not sure he ever figured out I was serious
I know I don't look like an athlete. But I have a great deal of strength, and I can't figure out why it always takes people by surprise.
I also wrote roughly two pages of one of my three exit papers today. I can't possibly be the only writer who doesn't expect what actually happens when I sit down and give the pen free rein. But my papers never go exactly the way I think they will.
In this instance, the paper is different right from the beginning. Oh, I have an outline that I'll follow, generally, but the first two pages were completely unexpected. I didn't realize I was going to include a short treatise on the Gunpowder Plot before embarking on the concept of Macbeth as the Great Equivocator and how that has been excised from the adaptation we're working with. But there those two pages are, and they're necessary and right now that they exist. It's very strange.
Posted by sally at March 15, 2005 08:03 PM
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