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June 26, 2005
Chick Night
POW! opened yesterday morning. A good crowd, more adults than kids, interestingly, but great reactions. A couple of people said it was the best thing they've seen in association with the university in several years.
And last night was chick night aka "Girly Movie Night" at Heather, Sara and Maggie's. They have a GREAT BIG house, and it was perfect. Three sofas and a chair in the living room, and about 30 dvd's to choose from. We watched Mean Girls, followed by Strictly Ballroom, followed by Bend It Like Beckham. They were planning on watching something else when I left, but my eyeballs were pretty square by then, so I took my movies and went home.
Lots of mimosas and good snacks and chatty conversation. And because I felt like making it an occasion, I went to the dollar store and found these really cute picture frames shaped like flip-flops. I bought a whole bunch and took them with me as party favors. They were very popular. I bought a bunch more for my sister-in-law's birthday (but don't tell her) because she's kind of flip-flop obsessed.
I didn't realize I needed something like that (the party, not the obsession or the picture frames) until this morning, when I woke up feeling lighter than I had in a while. I had been spending my time off away from everybody, sort of hiding in the house and venturing out into the yard. But today, I felt like getting some stuff done rather than just skulking about the living room and lurking on the couch with a book. I felt as though I'd released something, let it go. Maybe it was just that I'd been in the company of women (and a trio of gay men) for a good period of time. That does feed some need in me.
I really do prefer hanging out with the guys when all is said and done. I just love men. But an evening with the chicas is one of those special and healing occasions. When we can be bawdy and outrageous and giggly and silly. When we can have conversations like, "Okay. If you could sleep with anyone in the company, no strings attached, who would you sleep with?" which was a conversation held on the very first chick night I ever attended, ten years ago this summer. The woman who asked that question was horrified when I listed practically every male in the group.
She had really asked it solely so she could admit to having a huge crush on one of the happily married members of the company because she was married herself and felt guilty about the whole idea (I get this now, but I was younger then in so many ways), but I took her seriously and answered the question honestly. I mean, come on, she did say "no strings attached." And it was a fantasy thing, I didn't actually have sex with every male in the company that summer. I didn't even pursue it.
Anyhow, I love the way women open up to each other when men aren't around. When we don't have to behave, when we don't have to impress anyone or compete for attention/affection/approval. When there's no "womanly" contest going on. Unless we're alone with our partners or among very good friends, I suspect most heterosexual women have a different face in mixed company than they do when they're "with the girls." As soon as another woman comes along, the relationships shift. It's certainly what I've noted from both observation and personal experience. It's not that we're no longer being ourselves, it's that a part of ourselves is suddenly hidden, protected behind a very well-constructed and subtle wall. Unless no men are present. Or at least, no potentially available men.
I don't know whether the mask we wear in front of men is a female thing, a gender-identity thing, a potential partner thing, or a culture thing. I do know it's something we learn at a very early age. So early and so subtly that it seems instinctive.
Posted by sally at June 26, 2005 10:26 PM
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