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June 29, 2006

The Unbearable Sadness of Being

Dave suggested this weeks ago. I know he's right, but I don't have the energy to address it. (It's just so much easier to sit on the couch and stare at things.)

I'm depressed. As in clinically. So. I'm Depressed.

I know I can (and should) do things about this. There are all sorts of steps and measures I can take to pull myself out of this hole.

I could just get up in the morning and face the day and get things done and feel better about myself.

I could exercise.

I could eat better.

I found a Reiki Master last weekend. He's local. Reiki did wonders for my depression the last time it was this bad. I could call him and make an appointment or six.

I could go in for acupuncture/counseling/drugs.

But I don't do any of them. As I said before, it's much easier to just not do anything.

The thing is, I do in part know why I'm suffering from depression now. I have no community here. I have tried to make one, tried to fit into one. There just isn't a place for me. It's too small, too rural, too conservative, too isolated. I don't have enough options here to keep me busy and keep me from feeling so alone.

Don't get me wrong, David is a tremendous support to me. But he has a life too. And right now, his life is more interesting than mine. I can only be so much of his life because I'm not in the program any more. I graduated. I need to find a life of my own. Which is far, far easier when living in a bigger, busier place than this little corner of the world.

So I turn to the internet. I try to create a community here. Is anybody listening?

Posted by sally at June 29, 2006 10:00 PM

Comments

Depression is nothing to muck around with, dear. If you are not getting up and doing something about it, then that is sign number one that you are depressed, and you better do something about it or the not doing anything about it will only get worse.

Do something. Now. I don't want to have to come down there and kick your ass. Okay?

Posted by: Terry Bain at June 30, 2006 12:30 AM

I can relate.
Twin Falls is like that as well.

Posted by: Nancy at June 30, 2006 07:08 PM

Get your butt into the raike if thats what will help. Love, MOM

Posted by: Mom at July 1, 2006 01:34 PM

I have an appointment for a week from Monday.

Posted by: Sallyacious at July 1, 2006 01:49 PM

I like how when your mom signs her posts she does her signature MOM which is what my mom does.

How much longer do you have out there? The doctor may be a good jumping point from which to work through this. Internet communities are here to support you as well.

Take care of yourself, DESIREE

Posted by: desiree at July 3, 2006 01:50 PM

I think she figures I'll know who it's from. She's right. It does make me laugh, though.

Thanks. For listening. Just for being there.

Posted by: Sallyacious at July 3, 2006 09:46 PM

I stumbled upon your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been checking in ever since. What drew me in to your site were the beautiful photographs of rural, peaceful scenes and your refreshing, colorful writing of everyday happenings. Ironically, I remember thinking to myself that you must be so much more relaxed and happy than I am in the fast pace and impersonal surroundings of D.C. But, I suppose, it doesn't really matter where you are if you don't feel connected to the world around you - a feeling that I have had to battle in my life, as well.

I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this rough patch but it sounds like you have a keen awareness of your situation, which is huge. I have every confidence that you'll be able to shake this and, as these postings attest, you are most assuredly not alone.


Joy

Posted by: Joy at July 6, 2006 11:52 AM

Joy, Thank you for the comment. You didn't have to say anything, but I'm so glad you did.

Posted by: Sallyacious at July 8, 2006 09:37 AM

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