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July 18, 2006
Woogy-Woogy
It's amazing what the universe will give you if you just ask for it.
I've been struggling with depression for quite some time, as any regular readers of this blog know (I suspect the symptoms were obvious even before I admitted the problem). There are several reasons for this, but it basically boils down to the fact that I am stuck in a place where I have little access to the things that make me happy:
1) income
2) acting jobs
3) training
4) a peer group
and not necessarily in that order.
Plus, I am worried about future opportunities. I may rock as a speech teacher, and I suspect I'd be a good acting teacher for many of the same reasons (read: want the very best for my students and tend to love them like they're my babies, even the problem children), but that doesn't mean I'm going to get the job of my dreams right out of the gate. As money for the arts and arts education gets tighter, many schools are looking for people who have training in additional areas. An MFA isn't enough to get hired anymore.
Don't get me wrong. I can completely understand that a university would want their students to get as broad an education as possible. You want your alums to have the skills they need to be successful artists. But again, location has me stumped in terms of how to get additional stuff for my resume. Energy work is the thing that intersts me most, and though I would love to get certified in Wang Family Turtle Longevity Qigong, I'd have to go back to Portland for that and train for at least a couple of years. Which would be fine, except that I would like to be with my husband, who isn't available to go back to Portland for the next few years, because his degree program is here. (I mean, really, two weeks apart almost destroyed me, how could I do two years?)
But two weeks ago, I announced to the universe (and everyone who reads my blog) that I was depressed and that the only thing that really works for me when battling that demon is reiki. (The other thing that works is actively pursuing the things that make me happy, but see above list, not many opportunities for that here. God knows I've been trying, to the extent of adopting other artistic pursuits to satisfy the creative itch, saying yes to every opportunity that comes along, meeting other artists. It's just not the same as being an actor in a vibrant community, working with my peers and maybe doing some teaching.)
Then I discovered there's a reiki master living in Moscow. (When I told my skeptic husband about the local reiki master he asked, "Does this mean he's allowed to use a light saber?" Some days it's a wonder I allow him to live. But he worships me, and that's enough.) I met him--the reiki master, not my husband--at a local holistic fair and got a 15 minute treatment. I like the guy. I'm comfortable with him. He's local and he's reasonable, price-wise.
And he's not the "wooo wooo" kind of practitioner. You know what I mean, someone who's clearly not walking on the ground, barely attached to this reality. There are people I want to shake until they connect, people who give me the heebie-jeebies because they sort of float through life and are at least partly out of touch with humanity.
I don't think it's because they're attuned to a higher power. I think it's because they're either dumb, as in rock-stupid, or they're actively but unconsciously practicing avoidance. They've checked out of the real world because it's too unpleasant for them. They're the same kinds of people who make me consciously and actively avoid therapy. Not that there aren't good therapists out there, just that there are a lot of people who need to work on themselves before they go working on other people.
Discovering that I could work with this guy, and being a product of my www-shaping generation, I checked out his website. Which is where I discovered that he is training reiki practitioners. I asked him about it at my appointment last night. (It's amazing how different I feel after only two one-hour sessions.) And I am taking his class on Saturday. That's right, boys and girls, this time next week, I'll be able to include Reiki Attunement Level One on my resume. And if it proves to be something I jive with (and I think it will, based on previosu qigong and reiki experience), I could attain master level right around the time Dave graduates. Wouldn't that be a nice selling point.
Guess who I'll be doing my homework on. (I'll show you "light saber".)
Posted by sally at July 18, 2006 11:31 AM
Comments
sally, I've got depression, too. I do like my Celexa because I think it really helps. But I'm also getting interested in alternative treatments as additional methods of making my life more enjoyable.
My Hubby & son are both bipolar. Yeah, we're a nutty family but we sure do understand each other!
Turns out our real estate lady's son is bipolar, too. She and her family struggled with their son's condition as we have for years because as helpful as meds are they help but don't completely fix the problem, even temporarily. No current meds, I believe, do a great job of controling the bipolar brain.
Her husband found some alternative nutritional programs that she swears changed her son from a disaster into a functioning, with a little help, college student living on his own in a dorm.
This woman is very mainstream and was highly skeptical of alternative treatments. She's amazed that they've helped so much.
So, thanks for being another level-headed advocate of alternative treatments. It helps open my mind.
And, of course, I hope that you find the four things that make you happy!
Posted by: scat (sarah) at July 18, 2006 05:18 PM
I tried the meds. No dice. I tried therapy. And though this sounds really, really snotty, I tended to be smarter than any of the therapists my plan sent me to. (Except for one, whose contract wasn't renewed by the company she worked with.)
I first explored reiki at my doctor's office, of all places. Two of his nurses practiced, and he recommended it when the meds didn't work. Six sessions later, I'd confronted some demons from my past (no, not real demons, the figure of speech kind) and had some amazing realizations about myself. All of it very empowering.
Like acupuncture, reiki works with your body's energy field (qi/ki). Unlike acupuncture, it doesn't involve needles. I think acupuncture is fantastic for physical things and for attaining a good balance.
However, for me, anyway, when it comes to mental and emotional health, reiki works faster. Though if I'd kept up my meditation practice, I might not have needed it at all. But I was in graduate school. Something had to give.
Posted by: Sallyacious at July 18, 2006 07:56 PM
I totally know what you mean about being smarter than therapists. It's hard to find a genuinely smart one. And I live in a really big city, Chicago!
I'm lucky. Meds do work for me but, alas, they do have undesirable side effects. My son & I have both gained a ton since starting the meds, for starters. He went from being a super-skinny kid to a fat one practically overnight. It was alarming.
I'm going to look into reiki. Hey, it can't hurt!
Also, I love your flower pictures.
Posted by: scat (sarah) at July 19, 2006 07:43 AM
I really recommend Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon: an Atlas of Depression." Strangely enough, I pop that tome open whenever my own black dog moods start hounding me down; it's not really an 'uplifting solution,' per se. More like, 'here's some context. settle down.' It helps to explain things. Andrew Solomon is kind of like Virgil to my Dante.
Also, I Love Reiki. Especially when it comes with lightsabers.
Posted by: paulmonster at July 19, 2006 12:11 PM
And you just KNOW I'll be getting a light saber as a graduation present, don't you?
Though I still kick myself for not thinking about getting a leg lamp for Dave when he won the KCACTF National 10 Minute Play Award. I mean, come on, "It's a major award!" It would have been the perfet opportunity and I MISSED it.
Posted by: Sallyacious at July 19, 2006 02:25 PM
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