Sallyacious

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August 18, 2006

Where the Days Go

Back in January, I made two resolutions which I have (astonishingly) stuck with this entire year. One was the Arboretum Project, which I am still faithfully doing, picture taking-wise, if not so much posting-wise. (I'll get on it this weekend, I promise.) The other is what I call my "Have Done" list.

Even back in January I was dealing with feelings of stuckness and uselessness. Despite my crazybusy life. And so I decided one day to write down everything I did. Because I thought a reminder might be helpful, showing me that I had accomplished something that day, even if I hadn't crossed off every item on my "To Do" list.

It started pretty simply. Here's a typical entry from January:

1/7/06 1.75 hours at IJC
5 hours of rehearsal
posted blog entry

1/8/06 began short story: “From the DarkSide”
sorted laundry
raked leaves
removed dead ivy from fence
cleaned up raised garden beds, added manure
weeded three beds
spread manure in back lawn
took pictures in arboretum
Updated blog with arboretum pix

Even in January I was including things like, "Phone call with Karma, Wrote letter to Paul". Because those were things I did. At that point, I needed to see that I had accomplished something, rather than just sitting around on my butt feeling miserable and stupid.

Somewere along the way, however, something changed. I'm not sure when it slipped into diary mode, but it did. I started including comments about certain activities. This is a typical day's entry now:

8/7 Fed cats
Opened windows to “air out” house, but with all the smoke, I’m not sure it was the best choice.
Got 4 bags bark nuggets to line alley fence. Put out bricks to keep bark from spilling into alley (generous with alley size so as not to encroach come grading/oiling time). Of course it wasn’t enough bark. I need probably 5 more bags but will be getting 6. The space is wider than I was thinking, also longer.
Fed Katala
Got 6 more bags bark nuggets. Spread them in the alley bed. Much better
Showered
Got new cell phone. It’s pretty. But plain. Black. Just like everyone else’s. so I went to Michael’s & bought a bunch of self-adhesive rhinestones and also some dragonfly appliqués. It won’t look like everybody else’s when I’m done with it.
Got dinner @ coop. Moussaka. MMMMMMMMM. Also got goldfish crackers. Ate WAY too many.
Read last chapter of Some Tame Gazelle to Dave. Now I have to figure out what to read next.
Entered all contacts into my cell phone.
Wrote 2 blog entries. Published one. Saved the other for tomorrow so I don’t have to write one then.
Fed cats.
Gave reiki treatment to Katala, who just ate it up. It was a lovely snuggle. I can’t remember all the hand positions confidently. I need to reacquaint myself with them.

The thing is, I've never been much of a diarist. I have tons of old notebooks where I started writing and then quit when I decided there wasn't a point to it.

I always felt like I needed an audience. I did morning pages for years, but even those were written with the idea that someday someone was going to read them and get to know me better. (Yes, I know that's not supposed to be the reason we do them, but I'm wired to be an entertainer. And I did vent. I just assumed that my grandchildren would read them after I was dead.) I think it's thanks to this blog and my six loyal readers (okay, maybe 8 loyal readers, my numbers have jumped somewhat lately), that I've written more about my life in the last two years since I started this blog than I ever have before. And that's spilled over into the rest of my days.

So thank you, to those of you who really are reading, and to those imaginary readers I have as well. I've created a space to think, and thanks to my "audience," I feel like it's worthwhile enough to continue. (I know that's a hangup I really ought to deal with at some point, but it's working for me right now, so I'm going to let it.)

The thing is, I'm revealing more and more of myself here and in my other work, and as an artist, that's the best thing I can do.

Posted by sally at August 18, 2006 11:44 AM

Comments

Posted by: paulmonster at August 18, 2006 04:17 PM

Posted by: Sallyacious at August 18, 2006 05:05 PM

Posted by: paulmonster at August 18, 2006 05:11 PM

Posted by: Sallyacious at August 18, 2006 08:23 PM

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