Sallyacious

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October 27, 2006

This Is My 500th Post

And for something so momentous, I feel I must have a momentous topic. Thank goodness my friend Desiree came to the rescue.

She's currently struggling with many of the issues I've faced on and off over the course of my life. And because I have this tendency to mother the people I care about--and because I know everything--I wrote an insanely long comment to her post about feeling stuck.

I realized after I'd hit publish that it should not have been a comment because it's roughly six pages long, and that it's exactly the sort of stuff a 500th post should address, so here is my response in its bossy, long-winded completeness.

You remind me so much of me at the same age. (Which makes me sound like either an old, old lady or your mom.) It really wasn't that long ago. For instance, I found myself asking the some of same questions this summer. But things really have changed.

When I was 17, I was in a church youth group meeting and we were discussing goals. We had to complete the sentences, "In 5 years I will be...", "In 10 years I will be...", "In 25 years I will be..."

That last one stumped me. I had no idea what I would be doing in 25 years. And so I wrote, "In 25 years, I will be 42." Because it was the one thing I knew for certain.

I got in trouble for it because the leadership thought I was being facetious, when I was doing my best to answer the question honestly. And really, 2 1/2 years from now, when those 25 years are up, that's the one thing that will be anywhere close to my expectations. Because this was not the life I thought I'd have. It's better than I'd dreamed, but it's not at all what I expected.

I also remember being 25 and asking the same questions you're asking now, wondering the same things. I was paying my bills and meeting all of my obligations, but I had a dead end job and no idea how to advance any further. And I wasn't happy. I saw classmates and friends swimming along in their lives and I was stuck. S.T.U.C.K.

I was trying just now to figure out what happened, how I got to the place I am now, specifically, the first step along the way. (Warning: this is the part where I get all woo-woo, so if that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, delete this post now.)

Here's what changed. I finally just gave up trying to do it on my own. I asked the universe for a sign. I'm lost, I said. I'm tired and I'm confused. I don't know where to go or what to do. Show me the way.

And the universe did. It was all little signs, things I had to be paying attention to spot. But together they all added up to one great, big thing. Go be an actor, whispered the universe.

From the song "Wish You Were Here" always coming on when I turned on the car radio (at the line about a walk-on part in the war vs. a lead role in a cage) to running across the Anais Nin quote, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" to being asked to run lights at the community theatre and thinking as I watched the performance, "I could do that better." All of these little signs that added up to one big thing.

I started with baby steps. I did some shows with the community theatre. I felt like my work was missing something, so I took some classes at the university.

And then I took some more classes and did some more shows and then I did shows at the university and then my boss said, "You can't keep taking classes. It's interfering with your work." (It wasn't, they just wanted to keep me under control.)

That's when I surprised everybody, myself included. Fine, I said. I guess I'm done working for you, then. Because I'd discovered the source of my happiness and I wasn't about to give it up.

That whole process took about 2 years, by the way. It's not an overnight thing.

So, more advice from the bossy lady in Idaho. Ask for help and then look for the signs. Sometimes they're really subtle. But if you're paying attention, you'll be able to spot them more and more easily.

I bet you just can't wait to see what I come up with for post 1K.

Posted by sally at October 27, 2006 03:25 PM

Comments

Posted by: tiffany at October 27, 2006 07:49 PM

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