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March 26, 2007
Hotey
I'm trying desperately to remember how to cut loose and have fun. I used to be able to do it. Before I came here, I had a group of friends with whom I could just relax and be myself and not worry about the consequences.
We used to get outrageously drunk together one weekend a year and laugh our asses off. It was such a great release.
Since I've been here, I haven't had that. I've had to be the good graduate student, an example for all the others (faculty told me that); I've been surrounded by people with drinking and other problems, so going out to play with them had consequences I didn't want to deal with (not all of them, but a significant few); I've had to be the teacher, and though I am indeed myself when I teach, and not some character, there is an appropriateness line I need to not cross. I've had to be well-behaved for various political reasons in this small town, and I haven't let my shadow out to play in a while. Which means I'm doing it with food. Not healthy.
I know some great women with whom I could cut loose and still be safe. Unfortunately, none of them live here. So I need to find some other ways to release. To break out in ways that won't jeopardize my job or my future or my husband's. Because this is a pretty straight-laced little town.
So I'm requesting suggestions. With a few guidelines. It can't be illegal or adulturous. It should be creative. Points for cleverness.
I want to regain the feeling of joy, my wonder at being alive. I want to be whole again. I want to remember what this feels like:
Posted by sally at March 26, 2007 08:10 AM
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