Sallyacious

« March 2007 | Main | May 2007 »

April 30, 2007

Take the Weekend Off

I said to myself. You need it. So I did.

Well, I didn't really take the weekend off. On Friday, for instance, I cleaned my office and organized some stuff and re-organized some other stuff. And on Saturday I cut up all the new paper I got into notebookable sizes and made some small books and did a bunch of grading. And on Sunday I had an 8-hour Reiki II workshop, just to get myself recharged & reconnected. So really, I didn't take the weekend off.

But what I did do was take the weekend off from my computer. Well, most of the weekend. I didn't check my email after sometime Saturday morning. In fact, I turned the machine off on Friday night, and then again on Saturday in the late morning. And I just never turned it on again on Sunday. It was liberating.

See, I have this overdeveloped sense of responsibility. I feel like I need to be available to my students practically every moment of the day. (I don't. My professors in undergrad weren't available on weekends, and I turned out just fine, so perhaps they will too.) I also have a pretty high degree of loneliness going on right now. And somehow, reading blogs and checking my email every 10 minutes makes me feel less alone (though it also seems to feed that sense of loneliness. Go figure.) So I sit down at the computer and I lose 2-3 hours, just like that. And there are things I could be doing with that time.

In thinking about it, because this really bugs me, the lost and wasted time, I decided that if I turned the machine off, I'd have to really want to use it to turn it back on. So once I'd checked email and my favorite blogs on Saturday, I did just that. I turned the laptop off. And every time I thought about using it again, I realized I'd have to turn it back on, and it was never worth the bother. So I just didn't. I got huge amounts of stuff done as a result, and I was ready to come back to school to teach this morning because I felt like I'd actually had some time away. I really did take some time off.

Now I just have to figure out how to manage that next semester as well...

Posted by sally at 09:58 AM

April 27, 2007

So Many Things

I realized yesterday evening when I posted those pix of Polyphemos "watching" hockey that I hadn't posted in almost a week. Which is a far cry from the days when I would sometimes put up multiple entries per day. Part of that is because I have a lot less time now to poke around online and to write for my blog.

I don't recall who said it, but I once read, somewhere, "Teaching expands to fill every available moment of your time," which is certainly true in my case. I'm still new enough at the game that I'm not yet sure of how to juggle and balance having a life with being a college instructor. I also received a good piece of advice from one of my (many) department heads this semester, "If you are working harder than your students, you're doing something wrong." That makes perfect sense. So I'm trying to even things out and figure out what changes to make so that next semester I don't miss a hair color appointment and only realize it three weeks later when I call to ask when it's scheduled. (Which is the story of my morning. I thought the color was wearing worse than usual.)

The other reason for my lack of posting is simply that though many things have happened to me in the last week, many of them are not my stories to tell. While I am clearly fine with spilling my own insecurities and embarrassments in public in an attempt at self-exploration, I'm not at all comfortable with publishing the lives of my students and fellow human beings. They're not my business, so they certainly aren't for public consumption at my hands. In other words, my life, by itself, has been pretty low key this week. All of the interesting stuff has happened to other people.

Though I could tell you about my cold. The horrible, horrible cold that hit on Saturday and started lifting on Wednesday. I could share with you the story of the snot waterfall that coursed over my lips and down my chin as I put my contacts in on Monday morning. I couldn't blow my nose at that point because my hands were clean. I needed clean hands to insert the lenses. So a river of snot gushed out of my nostrils, coursed down my face and dripped off my chin into the sink. (That's a story you really wanted to know, yes?)

Or I could tell you that I started writing on Wednesday in the first full-sized notebook of my own making. It's 50 pages. Coptic bound (rather badly bound, but I only figured out how the knots worked about halfway through) and it's a joy to write in. And now that my new papers have arrived, along with the weekend, I can spend some time making another one for when this book is filled. Which will happen in about two weeks, if I continue at the pace I've been working.

  

I could also write about the fact that I've done more work in the yard in the past three weeks than I did most of last summer. Or that I've begun making plans to climb a mountain (okay, hike a seven mile trail) in the Sawtooths with a good friend this summer as a way to celebrate being 40 (though I won't be until September) and being alive. Or how I've started figuring out how I can make this summer better than last summer in terms of self-image and also getting things done. And how I plan on repainting almost the entire inside of the house (someone else will paint the basement stairwell) and transforming the yard. And possibly beginning my year of training to reach Master Level in Reiki. All of those things have been part of the last week for me, though not the largest and most significant part.

Of course, first I need to grade all of the final papers and speeches my students have done so far. That's my plan for the day, though the sunshine beckons and the yard needs weeding. So many choices, so many options, so many duties. And the semester is almost over. Good gravy, where has the time gone?

Posted by sally at 10:15 AM

April 26, 2007

Hockey Night!

I love the NHL playoffs. Love them. Even when my team isn't in them.

Dave also loves them. Especially now that we can watch hockey in HD. Everything's so clear.

Which is apparently why we now have a new convert in the family.

Game 1 of the Canucks vs. Anaheim. I still don't know how the cat didn't fall off the television.

Posted by sally at 06:34 PM | Comments (2)

April 20, 2007

Polyphemos' Words to Live By

Wherever you are, whatever you do in life, you should always remember to take time to stop and smell the roses.

Or bite them, if that's your preference.

Posted by sally at 09:58 PM | Comments (2)

Books!

Dave's been out of town for the past few days. In honor of his homecoming (and because he told me the Cheerios book was fantastic), I made some more books for him.

He also likes really small books to carry around in his pockets and make notes on, so that's what I did this time around. I used an empty tea bag box and some scraps from my larger size bookbinding stuff to make these teeny tiny notebooks for him. Here's an idea of scale. That's a quarter propped against the bigger book.

The books are in two different sizes because the box was rectangular. The two big books are the front and back of the box and the two small books are from the sides. They're 10-12 pages each.

It took me about 45 minutes, tops, to put the four together. They're a little uneven, but I wanted to get them done before he walked in the door, so I didn't worry too much about trimming them down. The great part is that the only non-recycled aspect of the entire project is the thread. The pages are scraps and I'd have tossed the covers into the recycling bin anyhow. So it's winwinwin.

My friend Maaike and I have discussed having a table at the next Women's Work holiday bazaar in November at the University. I want to do some of my fiberlace scarves and she's got a bunch of artwork to sell. It'd be nice if I also had some of these recycled notebooks in all sizes to sell. Of course, they'd have to be a little more polished than the stuff I threw together for Dave last night. But I think that will come with practice. And maybe a better paper cutter. I've long suspected that mine doesn't actually trim things square.

Posted by sally at 11:07 AM | Comments (3)

April 16, 2007

Every So Often

I comment that I may have made a student's "list."

As in, the list of "people I'm looking for the day I take my gun to campus."

I know for a fact that I am not the only teacher in the world to think about these things. I'm not even the only teacher in town to think them.

I teach at a smallish state school in a rural area of a rural state. Lots of people have guns here because, again, it's rural, and many students hunt. I've always assumed that it's possible, but not likely, that someone could snap under the pressure of succeeding in academia and decide to permanently remove those people they see as standing in their way.

It feels much more likely today than ever before.

I don't know anything about the people who have been confirmed dead at Virginia Tech. My guess is that they were just doing their jobs as best they could and trying to finish up the semester. That's what most people are doing, just trying to live their lives.

Me? I try to live my life by being the best teacher I can. By respecting my students' intelligence and challenging them when they aren't using it. I try very, very hard to not use humiliation as a teaching tool because I don't think it benefits anybody in the long run, and I love my students like they're my own babies. More or less. But I also know that I have former students who do not agree with my evaluation of their work. Who believe that I have been biased or out to get them, even though the problem is usually more to do with not doing the work.

They're welcome to their beliefs and opinions. They're welcome to post nasty evaluations about my teaching. (Some have.) And to tell other people to not take my class. They're welcome to complain to the head of my department(s). Because all those things are their right as students and citizens of a democratic and free-speaking society.

So why is it that, sometimes, people cross the line and voice their displeasure with gunpowder and bullets? Where does that come from? I can't imagine that the students in the particular classroom singled out for such horror this morning were to blame for whatever tormented the gunman. How could they have been? Again, they were just trying to live.

I've noticed that many of these incidents (Springfield, Columbine, Mississippi from the 1990s) happen at this time of year. Why? Because the deadline for success or failure is too close to avoid? Because people with SAD finally have the energy to do something (as they see it) about the unhappiness that's been dogging them all semester? And how do those around them miss the signs?

Are they too wrapped up in their own lives to see what's going on with the killer to be? Has there really been no noticeable change in behavior? Do they just chalk it up to, "He's always kind of odd, this is just another one of those things"?

And most important question of all, how do we not let this happen again?

Posted by sally at 08:06 PM | Comments (2)

April 14, 2007

Look at What I Did Today

I made books!

They're sewn and everything. Two are obviously covered with the front and back of a Cheerios box, while I made the covers of the other two from cardstock and watercolor paper. These are all single signature books, with five folios per signature. The paper is an assortment of handmade Indian papers that came in 22" x 30" sheets that I cut down by hand and/or tore to 8 1/2" x 11".

This whole project came about from my beginning to write in the mornings again, starting, oddly enough, on April Fool's Day. I decided to sit down and write out some thoughts and try to figure out the source of my unhappiness. So I grabbed an empty journal I'd been wanting to use and started writing. It felt so good, and I felt so much better afterwards that I made a plan to do the same thing every morning, and I haven't missed a morning since. They're not exactly morning pages because I don't do them first thing (I need to be sure I get everything else done first), and because I don't limit myself to three pages. Often I write more than three, sometimes I write less. Though not usually the latter.

My attitude has improved dramatically since I began. I don't lie in bed wishing I didn't have to get up anymore. Instead, I hop out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off (after adjusting my back), and hurry through my morning routine to be sure I have time to write. It's wonderful.

Part of the reason I am enjoying it this time around is that I love the physical feeling of putting marks on paper. Specifically, on the paper in this journal, with a fountain pen. It just feels good. But I'm getting through the journal quite quickly, and though I looked and looked, I haven't been able to find anything like it, either here (like there was a chance of that happening) or online.

I'd seen several sets of instructions on how to bind books, and thought it would be something interesting to attempt someday. And since I couldn't find the journal I wanted, I decided to try to make my own. Especially once I'd found instructions for making simple books. That was actually the very last bit of information I needed to feel confident that I could do this. So I ordered the minimal bookbinding supplies (bone folder, paper awl, bookbinding needles, waxed thread) and a whole bunch of different papers, so I could figure out what was closest to the stuff in my current journal.

Since the stuff arrived yesterday, I decided to go ahead and give it a shot today. And may I say that it was really, really easy. Except for the part where I needed to use my left thumb for gripping or pressing, which would pretty much be the entire process. Ow ow ow ow ow. However, I have the four completed books and five more signatures made up and set aside to use in a much bigger book. It uses exactly the same techniques, but with a larger cover. I don't have what I need for that here, and I didn't want to go out again tonight, so I'm writing a self-congratulatory blog post instead and I'll go get the cover supplies tomorrow.

Mind you, I think I'm pretty rightly proud of myself. I've learned a new skill, and become a bit more self-reliant, at least as far as not having to depend on the internet or the useless bookstores around here for my journaling needs. Plus, Dave was so taken with the notebook made from the front of the Cheerios box that he has adopted it as his own. That's pretty cool, that he thinks they're worth having.

Posted by sally at 09:37 PM | Comments (2)

April 13, 2007

On Emotional Roller Coasters

So last night I went over to some friends' for dinner. Lovely evening. Lovely food. Lovely people. Lovely, lovely red wine. I toddled home (they're just down the street) with a lovely buzz.

I sat down on the couch and Quickly, my very favorite of all cats, curled up next to me. This week has been pretty crazy, so she and I haven't had much together time. With that in mind, I did what I usually do and scootched her up onto my lap via a hand under her belly. It took me a minute to realize that the normal protest noises she makes weren't normal. They were exclamations of pain. The cat was hurting and I was doing it.

I stopped. Immediately. I had no idea what I'd done to cause pain, but she was in serious distress. She lay in my lap for a while, very quiet, not purring at all like she usually does. And when she left to get food, she whimpered as she walked. She was favoring her left hind leg, and also walking like her belly hurt her.

There was clearly something very very wrong, and I had apparently done it to her. Whatever it was. Which was an awful feeling to have. Because not only do I love this cat like she's my child, I would never, ever hurt an animal. So to have seriously hurt my sweetbabygirl Quickly, however unintentionally, was almost vomitously horrible. Horrible.

I called the emergency vet hospital in Pullman and the slightly patronizing woman on the phone more or less told me that regardless of the problem, they couldn't do more than advise me to wait, really. I was welcome to take the cat in, but she thought I should wait until morning and take Q to our vet. Since she was eating.

So I opted to wait. Q was having trouble jumping up onto things like the futon, but she could go up and down stairs with seemingly little trouble. That's when I noticed her favoring her left hind leg slightly.

I made three different comfy bedding down places for her, one in the hallway and two in our bedroom so she could be with us without having to try to get onto or off of the bed. The stubborn little snotface was having none of it. She sleeps on the bed with me, and was determined to get to her rightful place for the night. So I put her on the bed. She made pain sounds, but began purring once she was on the bed. I did some reiki on her, just in case it would help and then we went to sleep. She slept between my knees all night, as always, and in the morning rather slowly headed downstairs for breakfast. But she ate.

I wasn't as worried. But I called the vet anyway and made an appointment for this afternoon.

Fast forward to this afternoon. The cat has been sleeping on the bed all day, just next to my pillow. She's moved a little, but not much. She's always happy to see me, purrs, but seems lethargic. I gently get her into the crate (that's always a fun job) and take her out to the car. She starts making noises like she's dying. Dying. Like she's dying and I'm killing her. And since I'm already wracked with guilt about hurting my baby, the tension in the car ratchets up fast.

We get to the vet. She's on my lap when the tech comes in. We get her onto the table just fine. She gets her temperature and pulse checked with no problems. When the vet comes in, her ears and eyes and teeth get checked and suddenly, all hell breaks loose in the form of one seriously freaked out black cat. I shall use one simple image, one tiny segment of the frenzy to ilustrate my point. She bit me. On the thumb. One of her teeth went through my thumbnail.

I would just like to take a moment to say that that? Hurts like a motherfucker. Still does. Oh. Man. The throbbing. I've done some serious disinfecting and scrubbing of the wounds. They're currently very tightly bound and slathered in neosporin. The vet recommended I also soak the thumb in epsom salts a couple of times a day for the next few days to keep the swelling down and the thumbnail on. Yay.

But back to the cat. She'd already bitten the vet and pierced my fingernail, and when she bit the tech, we were done. That's when the vet said, "I don't want her to hurt herself more, and I'm not going to be able to get to her leg to really work with it, so I'm thinking we give her a little gas."

I said yes. Then I went home to actually bandage my thumb and have a serious I've broken my cat cry.

When I went back to the vet about 45 minutes later, the first thing the doctor said to me as she bustled in was, "I've got some really great news." They had taken x-rays. No breaks, no tears, no joint damage, but Quickly's left hamstring was really tight. The vet massaged it while Q was under, and it loosened up quite a bit, which means 1) that it's a sprain or strain and 2) I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Also? The x-rays showed that the cat is pretty seriously constipated. Also not my fault. But it explains why she complained so much about being picked up. Because that hurt too.

So my Quickly is home. And she's fine. I get to give her laxatives twice a day for the next few days and also an anti-inflammatory each morning for the next four days. Yay. But she's going to be fine. And it was nothing I did.

Shortly after Q and I got home, Dave got home too and pointed out that there were two boxes on the porch. For me. One was bookbinding materials because I've decided to give that a try. I've always wanted to do it, and just finally decided to have a go. I ordered papers and the basic binding stuff last week. The papers came yesterday. And this weekend has cleared up wonderfully for me time-wise, so I'll be playing with some new toys.

The other box was a flower delivery. For me. I couldn't figure out how or what or why, and said so. Dave said, "Well open the card and read it!" Beautiful pink roses and this other awesome flower that I can never remember the name of. And the card? Well, see for yourself:

Oh. Yes. It is.

Posted by sally at 04:22 PM | Comments (2)

April 12, 2007

Kurt Vonnegut Is Dead

That's sad.

I saw him speak once, about a hundred thousand years ago when I was in high school. As I recall, he was really cranky and didn't want to be there.

I'm going to dig out my copy of Welcome to the Monkey House and read "Harrison Bergeron" for old times' sake.

Posted by sally at 01:31 PM | Comments (3)

April 10, 2007

The Scenery Is Blurry Because You're Doing 150

Sorry. Massive amount of time has gone by without posting. I know. Believe me, I know. But I've barely had time to sit down for the past week or so, and that's not going to change for a while. (Though I did have a lovely conversation with a student during my office hours today. Really lovely. Long and interesting and covering a HUGE number of topics. I felt quite rested afterwards.)

Anyway, many, many things happening in Sallyaciousland. Some changes afoot. Some catching up being done. Some living as well. Maybe later I'll post my schedule so you can see what I mean about busybusybusyness.

But first, lunch (it's almost 3pm here). Followed by a meeting. Followed by--hell, I don't even want to think about my evening. Not right now. It's going to involve too much paperwork and not nearly enough alcohol.

Baby steps.

Posted by sally at 02:38 PM

April 03, 2007

Women, War and Peace

This week, my evenings have been taken up with lectures that are part of the 2007 Borah Symposium. This underappreciated jewel of a film and lecture series was created in 1948 to discuss various topics associated with the causes of war and the necessary conditions for peace, established and supported by the Borah Foundation, which is named, of course for Senator William Borah, the Lion of Idaho.* It is administrated by faculty and students at the University of Idaho, and they bring in speakers from all over the world. (Three years ago, my husband got to drive Lech Walesa from the Spokane airport to Moscow--a 90 minute drive in good weather--during a heavy snowstorm so he could give the keynote address. You should ask Dave to tell you that story sometime.)

This year's theme is, as the entry title states, "Women, War and Peace". Last night, I attended a stirring keynote address by the Honourable Mary Robinson, former President of Ireland (and first female President of Ireland as well). This evening, I heard these two people speak, Sister Lorraine Garasu and Iain Campbell Smith, who discussed the long peace process on the island of Bougainville in Papua New Guinea. It was pretty incredible too. And tomorrow, I will attend two lectures by Cynthia Enloe, one in the afternoon, one in the evening. (One of the small joys for me thus far has been hearing Irish, Australian and Bougainvillian dialects from the speakers. Such lovely variations.)

One of the best parts is that before the lectures start, I've had the chance to talk to some incredible women from right here in the area. They're my seatmates. Women who are sitting next to me, waiting for things to begin. Women who hope they've been good mothers to their sons, who hope they've raised (or are raising) good men. Women whose children are grown and who have the time and the opportunity to get involved in peacemaking and are just looking for a focus. Women who are moved by the stories we're hearing and who cry along with me when hearing about the rapes and brutalities that are a seeming natural consequence of human conflict.

Men attend these things too, it's not only the women, but the large female turnout for events celebrating women's work in easing and eradicating conflict is the most beautiful part, in my eyes. It's empowering. Because we're hearing from women who have done things, women who are doing things, and we're hearing stories about other women who are doing things, and all these stories and speakers suggest that maybe, just maybe, we can do things here, too.

It's been a pretty amazing week. I'm not getting a lot of grading done, but I think it's worth it, given the experiences I've gained and the stories I've heard. Sometimes you just have to put things aside to savor the once in a lifetime opportunities.

*I know much of this because I am a proud graduate of Borah High School. Guess what our mascot was.

Posted by sally at 09:15 PM | Comments (1)

April 01, 2007

Happy 16th Birthday, Katala

I cannot believe this sweet little old lady has lived with me for almost 16 years now. I am so lucky to have found her. And amazingly, she's as lovely on the inside as she is on the outside.

She really is 16 today. I've known her since just after her eyes opened. She finally came to live with me when she was 8 weeks old. and although she's a lovely, lovely girl, she was hilarious to look at as a kitten. She had such a thick undercoat that her fur stuck out in all directions. All the time.

We are so fortunate she's in our lives. There really aren't words.

Posted by sally at 12:08 PM

©2006 - All content copyright Sally Eames-Harlan unless otherwise noted