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May 07, 2007

That's Not What I Said

Had the first of my two finals today. It's very interesting. The course is a year long course, over two semesters, so both semesters are very different. This semester deals much more with contemporary issues relating to gender sexuality & pornography, violence, the workplace and family.

I know, I know that I cannot be all things to all people, much as I would like to be. (As hard as that is for Perfectionist Me to swallow.) And I know, I know that people will only hear what they want to hear, what they're ready to hear. But it was really hard to read that people thought this class was kind of man-bashing and over the top feminist when I worked so hard to try to keep it from being that way.

And I really did try. I picked readings that included men and addressed their problems too, how they are manipluated and shaped and molded, often in unhealthy ways, by society. I picked readings that addressed female behavior and discussed how many women are not helping the situations women face today (like self-esteem issues and being taken seriously in the workplace). I tried to select films that show how some situations, like pornography, are bad for everybody except the people running the business.

Yet what many students seemed to hear is that the male gaze means men objectify women. That because women face all kinds of violence and sexism in the military and in society that men hate women. That because the wage gap exists, men don't want women to succeed in the workplace. And you know what? Some men do objectify women. Some men do hate women. Some men don't want women to succeed in the workplace. But I do not by any stretch of the imagination think that holds true for all men. Nor am I even attempting to suggest that women aren't a part of the problem, because I think we are.

Frankly, I think the problems we discussed in class exist mostly because the average person doesn't ever stop to think about them. So we don't address them. And then the powers that be--yes, they do happen for the most part to be white men, but that's not an opinion, that's a fact--can get away with all kinds of things because the average person is too busy trying to be a good employee, a good parent, a good spouse, trying to live their life, to think very much about anything else.

Which is why it's so important for people to realize these situations exist. Because I think the average person believes in equality regardless of race, color or creed. I think the average man cares deeply about his family, we just don't give him the tools to demonstrate that love. I think part of the reason women still make so much less than men has partly to do with our lack of negotiating skills. All of which hints at a communication gap that I think should be addressed. Women are assuming one thing, while men are assuming another, and perhaps if we talked about it, some of our problems would be solved. And I thought we'd sort of got there this semester.

That's why it was so disheartening to read that some of my favorite male students thought I was attacking men. And that some of my female students thought the same. No. Never. Not in a million years. I do not equate men with the system. And I wonder how I made that impression, what I did wrong, what I missed along the way. Because I value men, very much. And it breaks my heart to think that some of my students think otherwise.

Posted by sally at May 7, 2007 02:45 PM

Comments

Posted by: Desiree at May 16, 2007 03:30 PM

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