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May 22, 2007

There Are Some Men

for whom my voice changes. It's completely involuntary, but if I see them unexpectedly (or sometimes even expectedly) there is too much joy for my body to contain, and it comes out in my voice. This happened at the gym today, when I saw one of the wonderful men in my life here. He's a student. I've known him for a couple of years now. And I have to say that he is one of the most talented men I've ever met. Should he choose to, and should he get a few breaks, that boy Could. Go. All. The. Way.

He's got some work to do, but he has HUGE amounts of drive and intelligence and passion, and he works so fucking hard. People are starting to notice what he can do, to which I say about damn time. Because he's amazing. Plus, he looks like a very young Val Kilmer. Which doesn't hurt.

Sounds like I'm a little in love with him, doesn't it? Sounded even more like that today at the gym when I said, "Hey, you!" all honeyed tones and velvet. Because I was just so happy to see him. The boy makes me happy. And there are a number of fellas who do the same thing for me: Paul, Paul, Karl, Raf, Wade, Joey, Hath, Bill, James. Men I love to see and to be with. Because they're such great people. And because it feels so good to just spend time with them. (Though I haven't seen some of the men on this list, most of them, actually, for years. Man. That's sad. I need to do some traveling.) It probably doesn't surprise you to hear that they're all actors. And so my connections with them are deeper than they might be with other guys. I'm a little in love with them all.

Which is not at all the same thing as not being in love with my husband. There is no real way to measure the depth of the feelings I have for my David. It's just not possible. There are not words and there are not numbers for it. But hearing me, in they gym today,say hello to one of the boys I love, may have been misleading. Especially for the poor former student of mine who was also in the weight area and heard me. He knows who my husband is. And he also knows that the 21 year-old fella I spoke to is not my husband. Yeah, I know, I'm almost twice his age.

But I'm not talking about sex here, or broken vows of any kind. I'm talking about spending time with someone I care about, and about allowing myself to open up and fully let that person into my heart. I do that for my friends. It doesn't mean I sleep with them.

It doesn't hurt me to love him, just love him, just revel in my great good fortune to know such an amazing young man. It doesn't hurt me to love any of them, frankly. Nor does it hurt anybody else. In fact, I'm a better, stronger, more complete human being when I let myself love everyone who comes my way. Why shouldn't I love as many people as possible in the short time I have on this planet? Why shouldn't we all?

Posted by sally at May 22, 2007 03:57 PM

Comments

I love that boy too. And your David is pretty damn cool. But I like YOU best!

Posted by: Maaike [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 22, 2007 09:52 PM

I think I've figured out how to comment on your blog. But I don't know. Technology is a tool that may never, NEVER, be trusted.

Posted by: Maaike [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 22, 2007 09:53 PM

I am desperately trying to figure out if I would even know this student. Thinking very hard.

I do however strongly agree with a few of the other names on that list--but in my case it probably does have to do with sex.

I also am a little in love with my landlord (happily married man) in the same way. I just get flustered when he stops by to check on something or say hello or whatever. He's just dreamy.

Posted by: fire4hairlady [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 07:46 AM

Maaike - You have figured out how to comment. Excellent work. You're right about technology, however. Never trust it. It will bite you in the ass at every possible opportunity. And so I tell my students.

Also, thank you so much for the lovely compliments. Da feelink is mootual, darlink.

Heather - I don't think you know this student. He was barely a blip on the theatre radar screen when you were here. He didn't get involved until the fall after we graduated.

And you know what? It turns out there is a danger to writing/posting entries like this when you're married to a playwright. Because he handed me a 10-minute play this morning that has a female character expressing some of these same thoughts. A girl just can't have secrets...

Posted by: Sallyacious [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 10:31 AM

I want to read it!!!!!

I am still wondering if I ever saw him.

Posted by: fire4hairlady [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 12:08 PM

I'm pretty sure you've never met him. Did you see Moby? Because he was in that. I can't remember whether it wa up while you were here or not.

I'll ask Dave if I can forward it to you.

Posted by: Sallyacious [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 01:43 PM

I missed Moby by a few days. Then I was briefly in town for our OSF audition.

Posted by: fire4hairlady [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 08:55 PM

I missed Moby by a few days--which was too bad because I really wanted to see it.

Posted by: fire4hairlady [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 23, 2007 08:58 PM

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