« Because I Am Clearly Insane | Main | Tired (Like That's Unusual) »

September 09, 2007

Looking Forward?

Every year I look forward to autumn. It's always been my favorite season. Sweater weather, school starting, my birthday and a whole host of other wonderful things that make this such an enjoyable time of year for me.

The blue of the sky which is bluer somehow than the sky ever is during the rest of the year. The crispness in the air. The colors of the leaves and the smells of fall. I just love it.

Except this year. For the first time in I think ever, I'm dragging my heels on autumn. I really don't want it to be fall yet, and if I could slow things down, I would.

I think it's partly that I have so much to do, so many things to address in so many different parts of my life that I can't quite manage to take the time I normally would to enjoy fall. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm turning 40 a week from today and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. I'm seeing new and deeper wrinkles in my face all the time now, and I know how I feel about that. On that front I am not remotely conflicted.

But I think the greater issue lies with the fact that I didn't really have a summer. I got all burned out last year with the amount of work I did for my classes (my own fault, I know, but it doesn't alter the burnout). I didn't travel, so I don't feel like I went on vacation. And I spent most of the summer stressing about all of the stuff in the house and the yard and my classwork that I had to get done before school started. IN MID AUGUST. What the hell is that about?

And because I didn't really have a summer, it sort of makes sense that I'm not ready for it to be fall. Because closely following on the heels of fall is winter. And you know what? I'm really fucking sick and tired of winter. It's barely September, and I am already sick of winter. I am done with the 10-below days. I am done with the slush and the snow and it's being dark when I get up AND dark when I go home. At 4pm. I'm tired of having to keep the house closed up tightly to stay warm. I've been living with the windows open 24-7, and the change in air quality when we shut the place up is drastic.

All of these things I am done with? They're still left over from last winter.

I'm not ready to close the windows. I'm not ready to stop wearing my Tevas everywhere I go. I'm not ready to also have to put on a coat. And a hat. And a scarf. And gloves. And to carry a flashlight to find my way home from work. If I feel this way now, how am I going to feel in February? I don't know how people who live further north than I do manage to survive. Stay out all night in June, just to soak up as much sunlight as possible, I guess.

The one thing I am ready for? Living someplace where summer is long enough to actually grow my own tomatoes. From seed. Someplace where I don't have to get the extra heavy-duty coat to walk around in all winter. Over a sweater. Somewhere I don't have to wear leggings under my jeans. Or the single flannel-lined pair of jeans that I have.

I'm also hoping that wherever that is, I get to see my husband for more than 20 minutes a day. Because the way our schedules are now? We say good morning when we wake up, kiss each other good-bye when I leave for school, possibly say hello sometime during the day on campus, speak on the phone at least once, kiss each other hello when the later arriving one gets home from rehearsal, and kiss each other good night before we go to sleep. I may be even more tired of that situation than I am of winter.

At least we're both working on the third show of the semester. So maybe we can walk home from rehearsals together.

It's true. I am officially tired of Here. I thought I had another winter in me, but it's beginning to look like that's not the case. Thank goodness this winter I get to spend several days in LONDON, where my sweetie is taking me to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary, along with our 40th birthdays. That? That I'm not remotely tired of. Especally since he suggested an overnight trip to Paris might not be out of the question. I've never been to Paris...

I promise, I'll bring you back something nice.

Posted by sally at September 9, 2007 08:37 PM

Comments

Paris really is magical. Of course, I had a 104 temperature part of the time I was there so my memories of a star lit purple sky may be from delerium. LONDON! Fantastic! You must post many pictures. And visit that giant swap meet the have. I saw it on PBS once and don't remember much more. If you see Paul McCartney get his autograph, then smack him for remarrying after Linda.

Posted by: Eris [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 26, 2007 06:58 PM

Eris - I never see celebrities. I was in Sun Valley once when all sorts of famous people were there and I saw NOBODY. Wherever I go, celebrities flock to some other venue. That's just how it is. So don't expect any autographs.

Posted by: Sallyacious [TypeKey Profile Page] at September 26, 2007 10:42 PM

©2006 - All content copyright Sally Eames-Harlan unless otherwise noted