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November 30, 2007

WANT

Let me be clear. It's already ordered. I will be getting one. The question at this point is whether that will happen before we leave the country, which is what I'm really hoping for. Because I would far rather carry the Kindle across the ocean and around England (and maybe Paris) for several days than the ten books I have to read in order to prep for next semester.

Dave (of course) already has one. I spent Wednesday evening playing with it, to see if it would work for me. I can highlight text and make margin notes. I can "dogear" pages. Which, yes, I do all the time in my working books. So slap me around and whisper at me fiercely in your librarian voice. My books are well loved and annotated. I like to know what I was thinking about the last time I read a given work. I love other people's marginalia too, when it's intelligent and not just "This book sucks" scribbles. Though I will admit that one of my favorite books has a number of very personal notes written where I made discoveries.

But back to the Kindle. The screen is easy to read. It's not backlit or glare-y, which is the one think that has kept me away from e-books all this time. The pain of reading something as long as a book from a computer screen. That's not a problem here. And the setup is so simple that it becomes intuitive very quickly. You don't even notice, really, that you're pressing a button rather than turning a page. You just slip into the story. (There's a Neil Gaiman review video on the Amazon.com site where he says much the same thing.) In other words, the Kindle ROCKS.

Mind you, I'm not planning on giving up on books. I'll still want paper copies of everything I teach from. I love books too much to remove them from my life. The Kindle fits into the routine because it will let me take books with me without having to lug them all over campus or on trips. It will save my back and leave room in my backpack for important things like student papers.

It's on backorder, though. Mine isn't scheduled to ship until after we get home. Bah. Here's hoping they can make them faster than expected. I'd love to have one in my sweaty little palms before the end of finals week.

Posted by sally at 09:40 AM

November 26, 2007

It's Like I've Never Been Gone

This morning on the way to school I remembered three very important things:

1) I forgot to grab my state sales tax payment to drop in the mail on the way. It needs to go out today and it's still sitting on the kitchen counter.

2) I forgot my phone. It's plugged in and sitting on my desk. In my office at home.

3) I forgot to brush my teeth.

Despite the fact that all but a teeny amount of my grading got done (and that bit can be finished up tonight), I apparently slipped right back into "I have to teach today I think I'll stress about it" mode. Because all of the above items? Are par for the course this semester.

I've learned to adapt. For instance, I now have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my office. And I'm relying more on little notes for my husband and email (when I can get to it). I just try to not need to make calls during the day. And lots of the other stuff I do without until I have the time to actually deal with it. For instance, I wore my last set of disposable contact lenses for two and a half weeks before I finally had time to order more. And I buy the basic food supplies every time I go to the store because I don't know when the next time I'll have time to go to the store will be.

But this insanity also means that I haven't been to the gym in months. And that I have given up on my morning writing. And I'm not doing any art, though I have supplies out the ass and several unfinished projects that I would very much like to work on, thank you. The care I'm taking of everybody else is better than the care I'm taking of me. And I need to change that.

I'm just not sure how, when the class load I'm teaching next semester is only dropping by one one-credit class. Especially when they will all essentially be new preps again. Because I refuse--refuse, dammit--to teach the only repeats the same way again. So one of the two repeats will have four entirely new texts (and one I used last spring) and the other is being revamped in a major way (same approach to imagination, different focus and more assignments for the students). The other two? I've never taught before.

I think my TA will be getting to do a lot more grading in the spring. A lot more grading.

Posted by sally at 10:50 AM | Comments (2)

November 25, 2007

The Putting-Off of Important Duties

I am home. I am online. I am (obviously) not grading. The thing is, I don't have that much grading left to do. I just can't bring myself to do it. Apparently, I am done for the semester. How unfortunate that I have two full weeks of classes (and grading) left.

Maybe I'll go do some grocery shopping and then change the cat litter...

Posted by sally at 02:05 PM

November 23, 2007

Back at the Coffee Shop

Ate and ate and ate yesterday. Ate again this morning. Mom made potato pancakes with some of the remaining mashed potatoes. They were very good. Especially with salsa.

I am thinking very seriously about skipping lunch because I'm pretty sure I've ingested enough in the last two days to keep me for a while. And yet, I see people wandering past with ice cream in waffle cones (that they're getting from the coffee shop in which I'm sitting) and it's becoming more and more difficult to not pop up and toddle across the room to get one. Asthma and weight loss be damned. I want an ice cream cone. Though I could probably be pacified with a couple of spoonsful.

Everyone here is doing well. My nephew is cutting several teeth (a few of them molars, yikes!), so he's a bit cranky. But so sweet. He's walking a lot now. It looks a bit like your classic movie monster shuffle, and occasionally when he gets excited he can't quite make everything work together and falls over. He still has the loveliest smile and the best laugh in the world, though. Hopefully I'll have some footage of him walking that I can put up here soon.

Anyway, I came here to work, so I should probably do some of that. Only two assignments left to grade and then I'll be all caught up again. Until my students turn things in on Monday. But it would be awfully nice to go into the last three weeks of the semester fully caught up.

Posted by sally at 12:15 PM

November 21, 2007

The Bird Life of N. Central Idaho

Last night, as I was getting ready for bed, I heard a Great Horned Owl. It called and called. Such a beautiful sound. And as I listened, I found myself feeling sad for the owl, who was apparently all alone. And I wondered whether it felt lonely. Or if owls don't notice that sort of thing.

I know cats notice loneliness. I'm sure Quickly is running around the house wailing for me right now. Nothing Dave can say to her will make any difference whatsoever. Because I have LEFT her. FOOOREEEEEVEEEERRR. What a sad situation for a screamy little black cat to find herself in. Knowing the depth of her sadness, as she assures everyone does when she is abandoned, I wonder whether birds can also feel lonely.

I saw a number of raptors on the drive down, all different sizes of them. Some Swainsons hawks and what might have been falcons. Also some Red-Tailed, I think. It's hard to identify a bird on a fencepost from a car doing 65 when you're the person driving.

Which reminds me. I am now absolutely positive that there is a N. Central Idaho organization of drivers whose sole purpose is to slow traffic on Highway 95 to five mph under the speed limit. It doesn't matter what direction I'm traveling or what time of year, I eventually end up behind them. And when I say them, I mean that this occurs with multiple vehicles on any given trip. They most frequently turn up between Whitebird and New Meadows and McCall and Horseshoe Bend. I wish I could believe that they don't exist, but as I said, I know better.

I ran into three separate sets of them this trip. Mind you, I still made it from Moscow to McCall in three and a half hours. Despite the car that was doing 40 in a 65 who I couldn't get around for a good twenty minutes. Which would not have been a big deal in typical winter weather, say storms or broken snow floor. When it becomes an issue for me is when there are clear blue skies and dry pavement the whole way. As were the driving conditions today.

Here's a tip for you slowpokes on Idaho's two-lane highways: if you don't like to drive, stay off the roads. Let someone else do the driving or host Thanksgiving at your house so you don't have to face the wrath of the seven drivers behind you who would like to get to their destinations in a decent time. It is illegal in Idaho to hold up more than three vehicles if you are traveling below the speed limit. I'm just saying. In fact here's the actual language from the Idaho Driver's Manual:

Any vehicle traveling so slowly that it is
delaying three or more other vehicles in a rural
area or on a two-lane highway must turn off
the road wherever safe to let the other vehicles
pass.

Did they do that? NO. Despite having several opportunities. Like big pull-off areas and Slow Vehicle Turnout lanes. Can you tell this is a pet peeve of mine? But seriously. If you're afraid to drive, stay off the road. You're creating a far more dangerous situation than whatever it is you're trying to avoid.

~~End Rant~~

The reason I began this post with birds is because I love them. I think they're wonderful. I have always thrilled to the sight of a hawk along the side of a road, and today I saw at least ten big'uns and multiple teeny ones. It was lovely. They speak of freedom to me, in that wide open spaces/Western skies/no fences kind of way.

One of the few (the very few) things that makes me hesitant to move to a large urban area is missing out on the sight of the hawks and the sounds of the owls. And the pheasants in the front yard. Also the deer and rabbits and moose and foxes and coyotes and racketycoons (though if we stay in the PNW we can get the raccons in pretty much any city). I love the wildlife. It reassures me that the world may be an okay place after all.

And because I'm in a small-ish mountain town with clear air and a view of a snow-ringed lake, waiting for the rest of my family to get here to celebrate Thanksgiving and several birthdays, I'll take a final moment to fill my lungs and wish all of you a breathing opportunity in your busy lives; a moment to count your blessings and hold your loved ones tight. And hopefully a sense that maybe the world is okay after all.

To all my USA readers: Happy Thanksgiving.

To all my readers: Peace.

Posted by sally at 03:44 PM

November 20, 2007

And Also

HAPPY 36TH BIRTHDAY,

JOHN!!!

You're catching up with me, buddy.

Posted by sally at 11:39 AM

I Give UP

I am officially giving up on NaNoWriMo for this year. It's not going to happen. I'm still not done with the grading and there are other projects I'd rather attend to. I'm avoiding working on anything right now, artistic or teaching-related, because of the pressure, I think. And the burnout. Plus, the story just isn't doing it for me right now. I don't know why. I've tried all of the things I usually try to get myself there and none of it is working. Because I need a break, I think.

So I'm going to let myself have one. I will finish the grading little bits at a time. I will do some photo editing for projects I've wanted to complete for AGES now. I will maybe do some painting and some other kinds of art. I will continue to post here because I enjoy it, but no more writing for a bit.

The thing is, I knew it was going to be rough this year. I knew I had so much else going on that the novel might not get written. I had actually intended to not participate this year because of the schedule and work load issues. And they have proved to be even heavier than I expected. I thought agreeing to mentor some Newbies might help, with the pressure to succeed for their sakes, but no. I wasn't as excited to begin this year, and as time has gone on, I haven't been able to muster the necessary enthusiasm to keep up with it. It's just not happening for me.

I'd wanted to do NaNo for years before I finally got the time. I first heard about it my first semester of graduate school. I was insanely busy then, and there was no way I was going to try to add a novel on top of everything else I was doing. Same goes for the next year. And this year's schedule? Feels a lot like it felt to be alive in the Autumns of 2003 and 2004.

In November of 2005, my NaNoNovel was really all I had going on. It kept me sane. November of 2006 was kind of similar. I was teaching four sections of Comm 101 and I could practically do that in my sleep by this point. Especially since I had a very specific format I had to stick to. This year I'm teaching four classes I've never taught before, so there's all kinds of new prep. Plus the higher grading load.(More students, 35/class instead of 27. It makes a difference.) And I'm just tired.

Also, in November 2005 there wasn't much imaginative work going on for me. I was doing this and that, but little bits. Now? I'm teaching two classes that are all about imaginative work. I'm finding other ways to explore the same impulses. So there are other outlets, which means I don't build up this creative pressure over the course of the day that must be spewed out into a novel during my free hours. I'm using it all the time.

I know this sounds like all kinds of excuses, but it's really not. I always use writing to figure things out. That's what I'm doing here. It's how I roll. Or scribble. Or analyze. Or something.

Anyway, as far as novel writing goes, I am done for this November. I know that means I have to carry a blue bar around with me for the next 11 months, but I don't particularly care. I have so many other things happening that I'm not sure I'll even notice.

I will not win NaNoWriMo this year. And actually, I'm okay with that.

Posted by sally at 11:30 AM

Thanksgiving Wonderland (And a Brief Whine)

It has been snowing for the past three days. I know this is a good thing. I know it should make me happy. We need the precipitation and it sure beats the cold rain we were getting. But I haaaaaaaate it. H.A.T.E. I want to be able to roll a cold, bedewed beer bottle (with lime) around my sweating face while I gasp for air in the 85 degree heat.

Sigh.

Shiver.

I also do NOT wish to be driving in this like I get to tomorrow. Through twisty mountain passes with no cell service.

Yay.

Posted by sally at 10:14 AM

November 18, 2007

Nothing Much to Report

Yesterday was supposed to be my grading day. While Dave was in tech--for 12 hours--I was going to go to my office and get all of my grading done. That way, I could play for the rest of break. Only that's not what happened.

Instead of grading, or working on my novel, I sat on the couch and surfed the net. I did get up once to run to Starbucks for coffee and a donut, once to shower and once to make myself some dinner. Otherwise, though, I did nothing at all useful. I read movie reviews. I played computer games. I read about bigfoot and followed up on lots and lots of celebrity gossip. My brain took a complete vacation from thinking. And though I felt guilty about it, I didn't do anything to change it. I just lay on the couch (under a variety of cats who were more than happy to use me as furniture) and let time pass.

As I said, I felt guilty about it. Really guilty. I have things to do. Lots and lots of things to do, as it turns out, and I didn't want to fritter my vacation away reading blogs and studying ufology. And then I thought, I didn't get to do this when I was sick two weeks ago. I had grading to do and art to make and classes to plan and all manner of work. So I decided to give myself the day I didn't give myself when I was sick.

Do you know what the result of that was?

Today, I slept in and then Dave and I went out for an anniversary brunch where we had mediocre prime rib, middling mimosas, nasty cantaloupe and decent omelettes. When we got home around ten, I changed the cat litter, sorted the laundry, changed the sheets, folded a load of laundry, took out the recycling, unloaded the dishwasher, made a cup of tea and graded papers. All before noon. I'm taking a little break now to blog and to run to the store and get a new pair of boots. I feel ready and alert and capable and that's a nice change from the way I had been feeling for much of, well, the past several months. No I haven't got all of the grading done yet, the pile left to work on is significantly larger than the pile of already graded stuff. But, I fully expect to get it all tackled today except for the work that's still in my office. Which I will get tomorrow during errand running time. That's just a few assignments, though, so no worries.

I don't think I would have been nearly as full of get-up-and-go as I am today if I hadn't taken that time to just be a couch potato yesterday. I'm not sure why that helped, but it obviously did. So the question I have been pondering for the past two days (well, day and a half) is this: Why do I feel it's somehow wrong to not be "doing anything"?

This issue is something I've been struggling with for a while. I can take a walk in the snow and take pictures and that's okay, because it's art and also exercise. I can clean the house or do some laundry and that's acceptable behavior. I can garden or grade or plan lessons, and those are all good activities to choose as well. I can even read a book solely for pleasure and that's fine too, because I'm working my imagination. But if I poke around for hours online or play video games, it's a waste of my potential and I am a bad, bad person. Even if I've been putting in 10-12 hour days for the past week, there are apparently acceptable leisure time activities and non-acceptable time wastings, and internet as entertainment falls into the latter category. Despite the boost it gave me, I still feel like I squandered yesterday. I could have done something with it, and instead I opted to let the time go by and not accomplish anything. (Though I am getting pretty good at Sudoku.)

Where does it come from, this hierarchy of pasttimes? And why am I not allowed to partake in the lower class of escapist behaviors? Why do I consider myself to be a bad and useless person for taking a Saturday to just be a lump when I was running around like a crazy person for the two weeks before that Saturday? That sort of thing makes me stressed and insane and sends my shoulders up to my ears, and yet, somehow, I feel like it's what I should be doing. I should be that busy. Because that's what good people are. Good and useful people work all the time with no time off, apparently. At least according to the Sallyacious dictionary.

If I maintain the kind of schedule I've been running under, I have no time for myself. No time to exercise, no time to do art, no time to sit and think about things or enjoy the world around me. No time to get my hair colored and cut. No time for a facial to help keep me looking young. No time to write or ponder or do important personal work. No time for a massage to help ease the stresses and tensions I'm feeling. No. Time. None. Except for the time I spend asleep. And that's not cool. No time to just exist, to be in the moment, because every moment is spent not only doing something, but also preparing for and prioritizing the things to be doing in the next moment. It's insane behavior, and yet I somehow feel compelled to live this kind of life because that is, per some weird set of rules in my head, "what you do."

And yet, I don't expect this kind of thing from other people. My TA had to practically beg me to give her some papers to grade because I didn't want to overload her. I have two classes where the grades are almost entirely attendance and participation based because 1) I don't want to do the grading and 2) I know how busy those students are and don't want to overwhelm them with work. So why can't I slow down? Why can't I take the time for me?

I've stopped writing in the mornings so I can sleep just a little bit later. I haven't had my yearly physical yet because I haven't had time to call for an appointment. I wore my final pair of contact lenses for two weeks before I found the time to order more. It's been three weeks since Clean House closed, and I will finally be getting my hair colored tomorrow. The last time I had it done was the Friday before classes started. August 17. (I had to stop for the show.) My roots and the grey are showing and I look old and tired and I should have made an appointment for the Monday after we closed, but I didn't have--or didnt' take--the time to make that phone call. I'm so busy taking care of everybody else that I haven't been taking care of me. And I know that's wrong, but that's the way it's been.

Why am I always the least important person in my life? Why do I always, almost without questioning, put everybody else's needs first? This is, obviously, the issue I get to struggle with this lifetime because I keep bumping up against it in different situations. I resolve it in relationships and come back to it as an actor. I get that dealt with and now I'm addressing the same thing as a teacher. I am done working on this issue. I just want to figure out how to balance things so I can have time for me again.

If the operator is listening, I would very much like to stop the ride and get off now.

Posted by sally at 12:01 PM

November 16, 2007

On the Meaning of Numbers

10

There's a number for you. Decades are big deals. We celebrate them for all sorts of things, but theyre definitely considered an indicator of longevity.

Today, David and I, as a married couple, turn 10. Ten years ago today, we stood in a judge's living room and promised to make "we" and "us" more important contexts than "I" and "me". In another week and a half, we'll celebrate the 10 year anniversary of our more spiritual wedding ceremony.

It's astonishing to me, the twists and turns our life has taken. Ten years ago today, I would have written you off as insane if you had told me we would be living about 30 minutes from the ends of the earth, David a little more than a semester away from getting his MFA in Playwriting, one national award under his belt, while I taught general education and voice and other even more interesting classes at the local state university and pined for more opportunities to act. And yet, here we are. As we. Not as he and I or him and me, but us. Because if at any time we had not made the big decisions together, the choices to change companies, change interests, change locations, change lives, if those choices had not been made with each of us taking the other's needs and dreams under consideration, there would be no we.

I am so glad there is a "We". I would not be half the person I am without David's steady presence, unqualified support and undying belief in me. Because he has chosen to be here, because he loves me without question or condition, I am a better person. I am more fully me than I could ever have become alone.

Thank you, David, for ten years of following up on and adapting those promises we composed for and spoke to each other in the presence of our friends and loved ones. For ten years of head-butting and laughter and tears and comfort and love. Thank you for loving me enough to marry me twice and for following through on that commitment every single day.

I would not be where and who I am if I were not a part of Us. Thank you for creating that context with me. For creating this life with me. I think I can do pretty much anything, as long as you're with me.

Posted by sally at 09:31 AM

November 14, 2007

Writing Prompts

I'm hoping that by tappity-tapping away here this morning I'll grease the wheels for my NaNoNovel for later.

Because I wrote 23 words yesterday. Which really, ultimately, was a triumph. You see, yesterday I had the following schedule (and remember, please that because I'm on a college campus, everything I do is at least a 10 minute walk from everything else I do, including walking to my office from my parked car):

8:30 Leave for school so as to get a decent parking space and arrive on time for class.
9:30-10:45 Teach
11:00-12:15 Teach
12:30-2:00 Grade projects turned in during the previous two classes that must be turned back on Thursday
2:00-4:00 Training meeting
4:00-5:00 Continue grading
5:00-6:00 Answer email while eating dinner at local diner with free wireless. Get lost in the wrong building on the way to next event.
6-8:30 Watch film with students from one core class so we can talk about it tomorrow and also so I can be sure they don't sneak out. Seriously. People come, sign the attendance sheets and leave. I mean, really. IT'S A FUCKING MOVIE. IT'S ENTERTAINMENT. WATCH THE WHOLE FUCKING THING.
8:30-9:45 Attend last half of Midsummer rehearsal, both to hear the voices and to be sure the students (from a different core class) who were required to attend actually showed up.
10:00 Arrive home. Check email, put out fires, type 23 words of novel, stare at walls.
11:30 Give up and go to bed.

And today?

9:30am Leave for school (I wanted to sleep in a bit). Walk from further parking place because these are the tradeoffs, sleep vs. parking.
10:00-11:00 Office hours.
11:30-12:20 Teach
12:30-1:20 Teach (In a different building)
1:30-2:30 Grade some more of those projects I have to hand back tomorrow morning at 9:30.
2:30-4:00 Coach monologues in a beginning acting class.
4:00-?:?? Finish grading those projects.

I would have also had rehearsal from 6:30-10:30, but it was cancelled because several of the cast members are also in an opera that is running tonight. So once I'm done with the grading, I can come home and clean up the disasters in the kitchen, the living room, the bedroom and my office. That way, the lovely woman who comes to clean once a week will actually be able to, you know, clean. And Dave and I will be able to actually walk through rooms instead of picking our way carefully between the various piles of stuff.

And then, once I'm done picking things up, I can write.

So enough about how haaaarrrrrd my life is. Let me share an easy bit with you. You know how Beowulf is opening all over the place on Friday? (Which happens to be one of our two 10th wedding anniversaries.) Well, everyone says that the way to see it is in the 3-D IMAX theatres. There are, of course, several of those within driving distance of BF, Idaho, where I live. Not.

And you know how David is taking me to LONDON over the winter break to celebrate our 40th birthdays and 10th anniversaries? (You didn't? He is.) So I checked to see whether, you know, that version might be playing there while we're there. And it is. And I asked him if we could see it while we were there, sending a link to the theatre so he would know what I was talking about. And the next thing I knew, he was sending me the time and date of the show for which he had purchased tickets.

I'm completely geeked out right now. What a great husband I have.

Posted by sally at 09:01 AM | Comments (1)

November 12, 2007

Back in the Game

10,665

I wrote 2800 words today.

And that's all I'm gonna say. It's bedtime.

Posted by sally at 11:07 PM

November 11, 2007

Improving

I think I slept for almost 11 hours. I was in bed before 10 and didn't get out again until after 9am. And now I'm almost finished with the first round of grading. I am coherent, I am clear, I can actually read. As in, the squiggles on the page make sense in my brain again. That's nice. Last night, as we finished things up, Maaike was doing math that involved taking money out of the money box and putting other money in and then taking some more out again. It was all very bewildering to me, so I just trusted her to be right and to know what she was doing. For myself, I was just happy to be awake enough to be able to speak in English and not babble.

I'm thinking about going back to bed after I get done with this bunch of projects. Though I might do some writing instead. I haven't contributed to my novel in over a week, so I'm thinking I need to bump my goal to 2000 or 2500/day for the next week or so to get back on track. I do not wish to do any more 5-7K writing days ever. I learned that lesson last year.

Right. Back to it.

I'll probably update later. But no promises.

Posted by sally at 12:16 PM

November 10, 2007

Unreality

I am so tired my eyes aren't really focusing any more. Last night during rehearsal, I actually lay down on a table while trying to figure out what exercises to have an actor do next to further deepen his understanding of the text. And I didn't realize I was lying down until I was already there. Apparently my body made the decision without me.

We got out of rehearsal at 9pm or so, and by then I was done. DONE. I was so tired David had to drive home. Given that I'd been going since 9am (the holiday art bazaar is yesterday and today--I'm actually typing this while watching people walk past my booth, I don't know how the professionals manage it) it's probably not surprising that I ran out of steam. Plus, my brain has been charmingly waking me up for no reason around 4am and not letting me sleep again until 5 or 5:30.

As of right now, I am not only tired, I have to pee desperately and I'm womanning the booth by myself, so I'm not sure I have any options other than to cross my legs a little bit tighter and hold on. I may have to rely on the kindness of strangers and hide the money box and laptop and I sprint for the bathroom. At least they've stopped playing Christmas music in favor of live entertainment. Because the Christmas songs were driving me MAD.

Of all the things I thought I'd try in my life, vending at a professional art & craft bazaar wasn't actually on the list (mostly because I hadn't thought of it). But I've sold two scarves and several books and the rest will go up on Etsy, I think. It's pretty strange, the twists and turns our lives take. For instance, I have a big--

BIG

--decision to make in the next few weeks. At this moment in time, the inertia list and the make the big change list are pretty much even. Which of course means inertia is winning out. I know what would tip the balance, I'm waiting see if anybody's willing to up the ante.

I know that's extremely vague. And it will be until the decision is made. Sorry. I promise I'll tell you all once my choice is final, set in stone, etc.

Okay. the chair squirming is getting a bit obvious here in what my friends are calling the ADD booth*. I'm going to risk someone stealing $10 of goods while I can still walk.

*****

Back. Much better. AND I've traded one of my bigger books for a set of really awesome paper stars that I will use for... well, something.

My trip to the bathroom reminded me, the last time I had been in there today was while a Japanese group was holding an event across the hall. I walked from the Women's Works Holiday Art Bazaar in rual Idyho into a bathroom full of Japanese women in kimono and obis. It was a wonderful shift. I wish I'd been a bit more awake than I am today, in order to better appreciate it at the time.

Thank goodness my booth partners are coming back soon. Maybe I can wake up enough to be useful. I've been pretty stare-y this last hour or so.

*Other booths have hand made art prints or jewelry or soap or food or sewn items. You know, consistency. We have a little bit of everything. I call us "The Booth of Art by People Who Are Impatient and Easily Distracted" or "Ooooh! Shiny!"

Posted by sally at 04:40 PM

November 06, 2007

My Head Is Clear

For the first time in three days, I am seeing the world clearly and not through some kind of light mist. Please let this be the turning point of this cold. I really need to be getting better now.

Last night, I was in bed by 9:30, which is three hours earlier than normal. I dragged three couch cushions into bed with me, two for behind my pillow and one for under my knees. The cats loooooved it. And I slept hard for most of the night. I think I woke up once or twice to cough, but that was it.

Oh pleeeeeeese let me be getting better now. I've been asked to the professor appreciation dinner at the Tri-Delt house tomorrow night and I'd really like to go. I'd also like to be able to start thinking clearly enough to, you know, grade papers, plan classes, that kind of thing. Though for the most part, I did this very cleverly. I planned the semester so that the students are doing more of the work in class at this point and I'm doing less of it. So that's helpful. Still, I've got a stack of grading about six miles high that I must deal with. I didn't make a dent in it this weekend. Too busy staring at the walls.

Dave just walked through the living room and remarked on how much better I look today. So that's good. It's not just me wishing myself into thinking I'm better.

Posted by sally at 08:48 AM

November 05, 2007

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... **UPDATED**

(Warning: Pity party ahead. Also, disgustingness.)

I have a coooooooollllllllld.

I cad't breade trough my doze.

I'm not all that hungry, but I haven't eaten since lunchtime (colds take away my appetite), and now I'm freezing, even though I'm wearing two sweaters and wool socks and I just set the thermostat to 75. (Don't tell Dave!) It's because I haven't eaten, I know this, but there's nothing I want to eat here. I don't want a cold shake (brrrrrrrrr), I can't have New England-style clam chowder because, hello, upper respiratory issues plus dairy allergy equals emergency room and I'm really trying to avoid that right now. It's not my favorite place to hang out. I'm out of soup, and crackers, a sandwich doesn't really sound that heartwarming, no matter how much I love me the PBJ. We have tunafish, but, no. Not today. And I've already had hummus and pita.

I taught two classes today. In one, I mostly sat and told other people what to do like the graaaande daaaame of theatuh I'm not interested in becoming. In the other, well, in the other class they were giving group presentations, so I handed out an updated schedule for the class and then just sat and took notes. Occasionally, I hacked up junk. Sometimes, for variety's sake, I blew my nose.

I sucked on a lot of lozenges.

Then I came home. I have spent the last five hours on the couch, drinking lots of fluids and eating hummus and pita bread and not doing anything at all worth mentioning. I need to be grading, but seriously, I think all I'll have to do is cough once and my teaching partner will be horrified that I came to class at all.

Mmmmm... More stuff just came up. At least my nose isn't running all the time any more. It's pretty seriously plugged, but it's not running.

Dave is going to wonder why I turned the house into a sauna when he gets home from rehearsal.

UPDATE

Thank God for cinnamon toast.

Posted by sally at 07:06 PM

November 04, 2007

As I Sit Here with a Kleenex Stuffed up My Nose

I am thinking about food. And laughter. And how much I would like to not have a cold right now. Though given my schedule for the past two and a half months, really, I suppose it's astonishing that I both avoided it until now and that it seems to be such a light bout.

But yeah, there are not words for how much I would like to not have this fucking cold.

On the other hand, it has kicked my ass enough to make me make changes to my schedule. Especially this weekend. Changes that require less doing of stuff and far more sitting around on the couch reading things I want to read, like Barbara Pym and a bunch of Charles de Lint short stories. Changes that demand more being quiet and still and less running around like a freak.

As part of my reading load this weekend, I did some reading of new blogs and sort of rediscovered an old friend. She doesn't know I've rediscovered her yet. I'll be sending her an email to say, hi and I swear I'm not just contacting you now because you're famous. Because she sort of is now. Which is how I rediscovered her.

Shauna and I went to college together, along with Amy of Recipes of the Damned and Scott Bateman and Terry Bain and this guy. Also, the woman who just bought our truck and her partner. Damn, it's a small world. Or maybe just a fairly small college and we're pretty decent at keeping in touch. Amy, by the way, is one of the reasons I am now married to Dave. (A long and glorious story, and someday perhaps I'll tell it. I'll warn you now, it's soppily romatic.)

ANYway, I found out about Shauna's new book via this post and I took the afternoon off to visit her website. She appears to be glowing and happy and wonderfully Shauna 20+ years since we first met.

I have thought about Shauna often over the years, hoping she was well. And every single time, I think about Shauna, I remember playing raquetball together. I honestly don't remember whether it was our sophomore or junior year of college, but she and I decided to play raquetball as a way to get in shape. You know, based on the actual experience, I'd better clarify: Shauna and I "played" raquetball. Which means that mostly one of us would serve and the other would miss in some spectacular and goofy way and then we'd practically fall over from laughing so hard. Seriously. If we got any kind of cardio workout at all it was from the laughter. I still laugh about it when I think about it, twenty-some years later.

Shauna, if you ever get around to reading this post, I would play raquetball again with you in a heartbeat.

But about the food. Because Shauna has celiac disease, she has chosen to live a gluten-free life. (I checked, I'm pretty sure that's not one of my issues. Thank GOD, because it was bad enough more or less giving up dairy.) That's what her blog is about. She's a BRILLIANT writer, by the way, I laughed and cried at her posts. I highly recommend both reading her blog and buying her book.

I read a bunch of Shauna's entries. (Gorgeous food photography as well, expect to be really hungry if you read for long.) And I started thinking about what has changed in my eating habits over the years. Not lots, lately, though since the kitchen remodel, Dave and I are both eating better. I must say, however, I LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG for the day when I can live in a city where the produce is FRESH. Oh how I miss fresh produce. Because I never seem to remember the Saturday Farmers' Market until about 12:30 on Saturday. And it ends at noon.

Several of the changes in my diet have seemed to work like magic. Cutting out dairy is the biggie, when I can manage it. Oh how I also miss the days when I could have a glass of milk and call it dinner. And yogurt and cheese (though I still cheat there sometimes). But I have also knocked quite a few other things out of my diet, some of them without trying to, it just happened, with the new kitchen, I just stopped needing to eat out as often. And then there are the shakes (which actually is the ENTIRE POINT of this post). I have these amazing shakes for breakfast. A-MA-ZING. And because I tell everyone at the co-op about them every time I stock up on fruit, I figure it's only fair I share them with you.

I use 3-4 cups of fruit. My favorites include mixtures of any of the following:
raspberries
strawberries
blackberries
mango
kiwi
banana
peaches
blueberries
pomegranate

I like to use fresh fruit whenever possible, but look at where I live (a day's drive from anywhere useful means stuff is always two days older at least by the time it gets on the shelves than it was when I lived in Portland). Plus, we have a stupid side-by-side fridge/freezer. There isn't even room for me to buy fresh and then freeze my own. GAAAAA. I am just about done with this place. (Hopefully, that's true.) I do, however, always use organic fruit. Which doesn't mean what it used to unless you're very, very picky about what you buy. Stupid Congress, protecting Walmart. It's not like they need it.

But back to my story. (Does anybody reading have any doubts about why I don't write a food blog at this point? No? Good.)

So. In a blender mix:
3-4 c fruit.
30 grams organic soy powder
1c chocolate Silk
1-2 c. fresh, hot coffee (that's the part that always makes David go "eeeeeeeeew)

I swear it's like heaven. And soooo full of all kinds of good stuff, plus caffeine. And it's 400-500 calories, if you care about that sort of thing. Best. Breakfast. Ever. And one of the reasons I don't get sick more than once or twice a year now instead of all the fucking time. Well, that and sleep.

Speaking of which, I'm off to Bedfordshire.

Posted by sally at 08:15 PM

The Latest Developments

A bit disjointed, but I have Cold Brain, so bear with me.

I have a cold. So far, not a bad one, though I'm tiring out easily, despite getting lots of sleep the last two nights. I've brought out the big guns: Airborne every three hours unless I'm sleeping, Mucinex and a steroidal inhaler. Those keep my lungs from getting too inflamed and also keep the mucus moving out, rather than settling in and causing pneumonia. And I'm trying to take it easy, which is difficult, easy not being built into my schedule at the moment. At least the show's over. So I don't have to try to be at performance level. Still, uck.

We are now a one-car family. Dave decided that it was silly to have a truck, given that he never drives anywhere any more. So we sold it. We don't have any auto-related debt now. And less insurance to pay. Which is nice.

Rehearsals for Midsummer are going well. The Mechanicals are hilarious, and I've only seen them improvising. I haven't even seen them run their scenes. People are making wonderful discoveries in the rehearsals I'm running, really great and amazing stuff is happening. They're working so hard and stretching themselves so much. It's a privilege to be working with people who are willing to push their own boundaries. Loveliness.

I'm 5K+ into Archetypical, and once again, it's not at all the story I thought I was going to be telling. Is there a writer out there who tells the story that starts out in their head? Or is that how writers usually work and I'm just some kind of freak? That's probably far more likely. Anyway, I have a goal of 2K for today. I haven't started writing yet, this post is kind of a warmup for that. At least yesterday I left myself some places to go.

Um. I think that may be it. It's November, classes are rushing toward their ends, my students rock, for the most part, and I have a cold that sucks the intelligence from my brain.

Yesterday, I cut the three remaining roses from the climbing vine out back. They're in the kitchen now in a mason jar of water. They smell GLORIOUS. There's someting so decadent about a rose insisting on blooming in November. Something kind of magical and at the same time a bit tawdry, a bit burlesque. Like a theatrical matinee. There's a strong sense of taboo and grit and gaudiness and unreality that comes with putting on makeup to play in the middle of the day. Makes me feel like a used-up carinival ride. These roses have a bit of that about them. How DARE they bloom in November, when everything else is freezing? It's a tattered opulence. Somthing out of step with the times and full of magic, if you just look for it, I guess.

Wow. All that, and I haven't taken anything like sudefed or nyquil or robitussin. Cold Brain in action, Ladies and Gentlemen. Cold Brain in action.

Posted by sally at 11:34 AM

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