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November 20, 2007
I Give UP
I am officially giving up on NaNoWriMo for this year. It's not going to happen. I'm still not done with the grading and there are other projects I'd rather attend to. I'm avoiding working on anything right now, artistic or teaching-related, because of the pressure, I think. And the burnout. Plus, the story just isn't doing it for me right now. I don't know why. I've tried all of the things I usually try to get myself there and none of it is working. Because I need a break, I think.
So I'm going to let myself have one. I will finish the grading little bits at a time. I will do some photo editing for projects I've wanted to complete for AGES now. I will maybe do some painting and some other kinds of art. I will continue to post here because I enjoy it, but no more writing for a bit.
The thing is, I knew it was going to be rough this year. I knew I had so much else going on that the novel might not get written. I had actually intended to not participate this year because of the schedule and work load issues. And they have proved to be even heavier than I expected. I thought agreeing to mentor some Newbies might help, with the pressure to succeed for their sakes, but no. I wasn't as excited to begin this year, and as time has gone on, I haven't been able to muster the necessary enthusiasm to keep up with it. It's just not happening for me.
I'd wanted to do NaNo for years before I finally got the time. I first heard about it my first semester of graduate school. I was insanely busy then, and there was no way I was going to try to add a novel on top of everything else I was doing. Same goes for the next year. And this year's schedule? Feels a lot like it felt to be alive in the Autumns of 2003 and 2004.
In November of 2005, my NaNoNovel was really all I had going on. It kept me sane. November of 2006 was kind of similar. I was teaching four sections of Comm 101 and I could practically do that in my sleep by this point. Especially since I had a very specific format I had to stick to. This year I'm teaching four classes I've never taught before, so there's all kinds of new prep. Plus the higher grading load.(More students, 35/class instead of 27. It makes a difference.) And I'm just tired.
Also, in November 2005 there wasn't much imaginative work going on for me. I was doing this and that, but little bits. Now? I'm teaching two classes that are all about imaginative work. I'm finding other ways to explore the same impulses. So there are other outlets, which means I don't build up this creative pressure over the course of the day that must be spewed out into a novel during my free hours. I'm using it all the time.
I know this sounds like all kinds of excuses, but it's really not. I always use writing to figure things out. That's what I'm doing here. It's how I roll. Or scribble. Or analyze. Or something.
Anyway, as far as novel writing goes, I am done for this November. I know that means I have to carry a blue bar around with me for the next 11 months, but I don't particularly care. I have so many other things happening that I'm not sure I'll even notice.
I will not win NaNoWriMo this year. And actually, I'm okay with that.
Posted by sally at November 20, 2007 11:30 AM
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