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February 19, 2008
Restless
I want to be moving. There are so many things I want to be doing, but I don't know how to begin them.
I want to go for a walk.
I want to go for a run.
I want to lift weights. I want to do yoga. I want to crawl into bed and sleep.
I want to work on my masks.
I want to grade the assignments in my backpack. I want to build the evaluation forms I need to use/hand out tomorrow. I want to teach a class. I want to work with a student.
I want to work on my monologues. I want to be learning my lines. I want to be acting. Now. Giving words and breath and motion to a character who's never existed before.
I want to plant bulbs.
I want to pick flowers.
I want to walk in the park and smell roses, to walk in the woods and smell pine, to wade in a creek and feel runoff so cold it makes my bones ache.
There's so much I want to be doing. Now. In this instant. Right. Now. And yet, I hold myself back. No reason, no need. I could do (aside from the spring-related stuff) pretty much any of the things on my list. Right now.
And yet I won't. Instead, I'll brush my teeth and go to bed a little bit early. Maybe I'll go to sleep right away (I'm yawning like the top of my head is about to unhinge and flop over backward). And maybe I'll sit up for a while and play stupid puzzle games in the snooze-inducing sudoku book I keep on the table next to the bed.
I want.
I want.
I want.
I want something. I don't know what it is. Only that I want it, and that I don't have the foggiest idea about where or how to go looking for it. Or even if I'll know what it is when I find it.
Posted by sally at February 19, 2008 08:57 PM
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