Sallyacious: April 2008 Archives

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April 30, 2008

Marathon

I'm trying to remember to take time for me these days. Because it's hard to do with the schedule I'm on. But I need it. To keep me going, and to keep me from exploding in inappropriate ways from the pressure cooker that is the last week of classes.

I must admit, I'm a scheduling genius, though. Because in two of my classes, this week is all about student presentations. So for five hours this week, instead of prepping and leading and teaching and running things, they get to do the teaching. They get to give their peers information and tell stories. That takes a HUGE load off of me.

Also? Last night and this morning I really pushed through the pile of grading and as a result, today I was able to give back Every. Single. Outstanding. Assignment in the class that had the most work ungraded. Now I just have to grade four group projects and twelve research papers in that class. Well, that and their extra credit papers. And their final projects. But I don't have to grade those yet, I can't grade those yet, not until next week. Because I won't see them until next week.

And in the class for which I co-teach two sections, I have graded all of their last major assignments and now I just have to --well, fuck. I forgot a set of things I have to finish up. Nope. I'm doing that in the morning. I'll just go in earlier. Shit. Anyway, I graded their last big thing, which they will get back tomorrow, and then I just have their finals and this other thing I forgot to finish grading (which won't actually take that long, I just have to do some math and enter the grades in the gradesheet) and these projects they turned in on Tuesday which I have decided they will not get back until their final. Because I'm not going to try to grade those tonight too. Dammit.

See? This, this is why I need some time for myself. Because I cannot keep track of everything I need to do if I don't get a break now and then. As it is, I began grading at 8am this morning, took a brief break to drive to school, and then worked steadily on various things until just now when I came home. That's an eleven hour day and I am done.

Even if I'm really not.

But. Tomorrow I teach until 12:30 and then I can grade all of the presentations I saw today and the various papers I received today and the stuff people turned in yesterday. And see Doubt in the evening. But I'm pretty sure I can get all of the still not graded stuff done tomorrow, and then this weekend I'll only have another two sets of presentations and a few more papers to grade. So I can focus on things like the yard and the tomato plants that came in the mail today. And maybe playing with the water soluble oil pastels I picked up at the university bookstore this evening on my "I'm done with that grading, I think I'll buy myself a present" kick.

And tonight? Tonight the evening stretches before me like a present. A present full of light and flowers and birdsong. How lucky am I?

Posted by sally at 07:21 PM

April 28, 2008

How the Hell Did It Get to Be 8pm?

I mean, where did the day go?

At 9:30 I went to school for my office hours, chatted with my teaching partner, almost expired in my office where the temp started at 101°F when I opened the door and never got down to below 83° despite my opening every window and door I could get to on my floor, did a little organizing/straightening/prep, created a template for a brick made of paper, sent out various terribly important emails, taught, did some grading, went to rehearsal, met some more with my teaching partner, did a little more grading and then some photocopying and then had dinner while doing some more grading and suddenly it's 8pm. What the hell?

I knew it was a full day, but somehow it slipped right past me.

Posted by sally at 07:56 PM

April 27, 2008

Unconscious Mutterings Week 274

If you want to play too, go here.

Thug ::
Slurp ::
Alley ::
Sweater vest ::
Targeted ::
Snazzy ::
Oy! ::
Jury duty ::
Low fat ::
Responsibility ::

You know, this entire list makes me think of Popeye.

I get, by the way, that hedonists and thugs are not the same thing, by a long stretch. But that was the first word that popped into my head. Don't judge.

And speaking of judging...

I saw Urinetown last night. Have I mentioned before that I really don't like musicals very much? It had a beautiful set, and some of the numbers were really well done. There was some great acting. And some not so great acting. Most of the costumes were strong choices too, though there were a couple of misses.

It's just, well, I don't enjoy musicals. They're mindless. Most of them seem to have spines like, "Love is good" or "Don't hate each other." And the overarching theme of this one seemed to be "People are stupid. Except us, of course." Which pisses me off because I got the sense that the story attempted to get people to think about their lives and their choices but was limited by and ultimately not successful due to its 1) musical format and 2) snarky attitude. It was lecture-y and snide as opposed to truthful and honest, a fault I attribute almost entirely to the script.

Dave and I often leave the theatre arguing about or heatedly discussing the things we've seen. You can get a good sense of the quality of the play by noting the subject of our conversation. When it's a good show, we're arguing about the ideas, the story, the themes of it. Doubt, for instance, is also playing in town right now. My students who have seen it thus far (I have not yet) have all voiced the same frustration. "I need to know who's right!!! It's killing me to not know what really happened!!!" That's the sort of thing theatre does at its best, it makes you think about things in a new way, to discuss who is right or wrong and why that might be the case. It makes you look at sides other than the one you were originally standing on.

When it's not a strong show, our post-performance conversation is all about desperately trying to figure out why we didn't like it/weren't moved or provoked or stimulated by it. With Urinetown, we spent a good chunk of the walk home trying to figure out why we disliked the story so much. We weren't arguing passionately about how to fix things or why things were broken society-wise, we were instead picking apart the language and the choices. Not really what theatre practitioners want their audience to do post-performance.

All of this makes me sound like a theatre snob, I suppose. And maybe I am. I just know that when theatre works it is because it tells us something true about what it means to be human. It strikes a chord deep in the center of me that makes me thrum with recognition. I've only ever seen two musicals that did that for me: Porgy and Bess and Man of La Mancha. I haven't actually seen Les Mis or Miss Saigon or Wicked or Rent--I don't enjoy musicals, so I don't go out of my way to see them--so I don't know if those stories actually do speak truth. I just think it's harder to do when the focus is on spectacle rather than story, and by making characters sing out their emotions you're pretty much admitting right there that spectacle is your aim. It takes a very special kind of composer, I think, to force the spectacle to fit the story and not work the other way round.

Right. It's Sunday. My only commitment for the day (a rehearsal) was cancelled. The day is entirely mine to use as I see fit. I'm going to go play with paper and glue, I think.

Posted by sally at 09:57 AM | Comments (5)

April 26, 2008

PhotoHunt: Unique/Funny Signs

I've got two photos from my archives today. Neither is a particularly beautiful shot, but I think it's hard to take a photograph of a 2-D object and really do it justice. Photography, to my mind, is mostly about the play of light and shadow across forms, and flat objects like signs just don't work well. Plus, you can't even take advantage of patterns, since they're pretty uniform things, signs.

I haven't posted this first sign before. I took it last November at the condo my family rented in McCall over the Thanksgiving week. A little background. McCall is a woodsy resort town on a lake. The condo is "rustic." The living room space is tiny with sliding glass doors that open onto a small, covered cement porch next to a "creek" (which is in quotation marks because it's basically a windy little indentation lined with river rock). The unit is carpeted inside, except for linoleum in the kitchen and bathrooms and the small slate platform upon which the obligatory woodstove rests. This sign? Is stuck to the wall next to the woodstove.

Um. Okay. I wonder how many tenants split their logs indoors before someone felt that a notice just had to be posted.

This second shot is from our neighborhood. I took it two summers ago after Dave and I noticed the "typo" on one of our walks to the nearest (and best) Mexican restaurant in town. It's on the corner of East B Street.

Not a new error, that one. Imagine having your misspellings more or less carved in stone for all the world to see, including the generations that come after you.

Posted by sally at 08:20 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

April 25, 2008

Soul Tired

Man am I tired. Wiped. Desperately in need of a rest.

It isn't just physical exhaustion, either. Nope. Because I am physically tired, but the majority of my weariness comes from the center of my being. I may be burnt out, worn out, tired to the bone, but it's the center of my bones, the vibrating core of every cell that needs stillness. I'm soul tired.

And it doesn't help that it is snowing. Again. On April 25.

Last night, despite the need to learn lines, despite the fact that I only have five more sets of assignments to grade (and one of them is articles that I just have to mark +5 on), last night I sat on the couch and did nothing. I just let my mind wander and surfed the net and did nothing. So this morning I'm not only tired, I'm also wracked with guilt. For not doing all of the things I needed to do.

Of course, the main thing I need to do is take care of myself. I haven't done that in ages, actual geologic ages, it feels like, and now I'm not sure I can remember how. I need to recharge, to replenish, to begin to refill the well I've been dipping such large amounts of myself from for so long. And I know I can get there. I just also know that it's going to be a hellish slog to the end.

One more commitment is done tonight.

One class exits the I have to plan for this stage and goes into the final grading stages after today.

One class is done with the weekly writing assignments. (I don't know if they've realized it yet.)

One show closes on Sunday (so I need to see it before then).

One show closes next weekend (so I can wait to see it until later).

One class has one more set of assignments and then a final exam that will actually be kind of fun to grade. I've had more input on this one than on past exams--by my own choice. I didn't leave it all up to my teaching partner this time, instead, I wrote half of it and sent it to her. It's going to involve doing art on the page along with answering more standard kinds of test questions.

So we're coming to the end of what has proven to be a very difficult year. My goal is to not do what I have done every summer since I came here and just collapse for three months, lying on the couch like a slug, hating myself and life and wishing I was dead while still practicing avoidance. I have some very real and necessary (to my happiness) goals I'd like to accomplish over the course of this summer. To get there, I need to be healthy. Which means resting.

I've discovered that I cannot rest here. I feel like I "should" be doing something while I'm home--the yard, the kitchen, the garage--so what I need to do is go away from here for three to four days, go to someplace where I have no obligations to other people because even the people I love trigger my "I must give and give and give to you" impulse. Someplace where it's not only okay if I lay around in the sunshine (or the hotel room) and wallow in not doing things, but where it's expected and maybe even encouraged.

London was lovely for that, but that was four exhausting months ago. Turns out, I need to do it again. Especially since I came home not really finished with the resting up and was launched into a new semester long before I was ready.

I need to get back in touch with the voices in my head and my heart and my arms and my legs and my gut, to step away from all of the things screaming "Do this!" and spend some time in the moment. My moment, not anybody else's. I don't expect I'll come back from that all fixed and completely healed, but I do think I might come back better. Closer to center. And if I can begin making my way back to the center of me without distractions, I'll have a better shot at getting there even among the distractions of living. Because I'll be pointing in the right direction for a change.

Posted by sally at 08:38 AM | Comments (1)

April 24, 2008

On the Homestretch

The end is in sight and, I think, reachable with a minimum of agony.

I've noticed this about my life before. Things are crazycrazycrazy and then all of a sudden, I'm in a little island of calm. Beautiful, unexpected and highly welcome.

It's not that I don't still have huge numbers of things to do, a sonnet to recite at a senior dance recital tomorrow, papers to grade (and projects, as they come), lines to work for a final directing scene. I also have a yard to whip into shape and various other projects to work on. BUT, I don't have any more outside-of-class-yet-still-required-for-class activities. Last night's viewing of The Wall was the last of those for the semester. So except for the grading frenzy of next week when I have to grade 30 portfolios in 24 hours and the two plays I must see (Urinetown this weekend and Doubt next weekend, I think, rather than trying to squash them all together), my evenings will be pretty much my own. Because I should be able to get all of the grading done within business hours. And I have only four more class periods for which I need to create lesson plans.

I honestly had begun to wonder if I would ever see this day. The one where the insane workload finally lifted. The fact that it's very close to the longed for day when at last the daffodils bloomed (in the same week, actually), tells you something about the gloomy grey cloud I've been steering under for most of the semester.

This afternoon, for the first time in ages, I sat down to read with lunch and picked, not papers or something I have to have ready for class, but a memoir that I chose from my bookshelf because I was interested in it. And I read the entire thing in one sitting. This afternoon. Without worrying about whether I had other things to do. Or how it was taking up time that really needed to be spent on more important activities. I read. I relaxed. I enjoyed it. I was afraid I'd forgotten how to do that.

Maybe sometime next week I'll feel free enough to pick up my journal again. There just hasn't been time for it lately, I've been too busy snatching sleep when I can get it or just practicing escapism after my insanely long days. And after I'm writing regularly in the journal, and the last few bits of grading are done, and the yard cleanup is well underway, maybe I'll be able to start doing art again.

Less than two weeks.

And counting.

Posted by sally at 04:56 PM

April 23, 2008

Dr. Who?

I just realized that when the elevator in this building is running, it sounds almost exactly like the TARDIS arriving.

Sigh.

Christopher Eccleston.

Siiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhh...

Posted by sally at 04:55 PM

April 22, 2008

Ravenous

I have no idea what my deal is right now, but today my metabolism seems to have kicked into high gear. I cannot eat enough food.

The day started with my usual fruit/protein/soymilk/coffee smoothie. I followed that up with an almond poppyseed muffin between classes (far more than I usually have for a mid-morning snack, but I was starving and a little shaky). Then at 1:30 I realized the headachy/nauseous feeling was hunger, not stress, so I had a pita with hummus, cheddar, onions, lettuce, cucumbers, olives and horseradish. I was hungry again at four so I had a no-whip, blended soy mocha. And now I'm eating corn fritters and a really yummy taco from our local Co-op, which not only has a sandwich bar and a sort-of deli counter, but different hot meals for lunch and dinner seven days a week. Vegetarian and meat-eater options for each.

I'm just not sure where all of this food is going, though "my hips and thighs" would be a good guess. I don't at all understand, however, why I am suddenly so hungry today. I mean, my exercise level has actually dropped because I've been too tired to walk to campus. I think I had a cold of some kind. Hmmmm... I wonder if that's what this is about. Replenishing my stores...

Couldn't we burn the fat away first? I mean, I'm more than happy to conserve resources while using my own blubber to fuel my activities for a while.

**UPDATE** 11:17pm. It's taking all my willpower to not get myself a slice of bread and cheese before bed. Surely, surely all the food I shoved in my face today (that listed above and three teeny little brownie cupcake bite thingys) should be enough to keep body and soul together until tomorrow.

The good news: I have now graded 12/29 projects that I need to give back on Thursday.

The bad news: I don't really have time to grade the other 17 tomorrow. Or to work on my lines. Or to do the rest of the very tall stack of remaining grading. And yet, I worked steadily today. Except for those moments when I was searching out edibles. How is it that I seem to have accomplished nothing but eating?

Posted by sally at 06:35 PM

April 21, 2008

Thirteen Hour Days

There are far too many of them in my life right now. I left the house at nine. I got home at ten. Not the "an hour later" ten, either. Nope. The other one. In between I graded, sorted, created, printed, graded, taught, researched, graded, rehearsed, organized, emailed, met, planned, photocopied and graded.

Even the things I graded aren't finished. Oh no. Now I have to look up notes I took during the in-class portion of the proceedings and make those inclusions. AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, we're out of red wine and I have to have Baileys on ice with my stress relief brownies. Out of a coffee mug.

Ssssssssiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhh

But I'm not grading any more tonight. Hell, I'm just lucky I can focus well enough to type.

Posted by sally at 10:16 PM

Foolish April

In twenty minutes or so, I will be walking to class. Potentially through the falling snow, because that's what it's doing right now. Snowing. It has been off and on for the last hour.

When do we get to have spring?

Posted by sally at 11:39 AM

April 20, 2008

Unconscious Mutterings Week 273

I spent about five minutes pondering how to introduce this and then decided I have nothing to say. So here they are. Food's on my mind, clearly.

Questioning ::
Immunity ::
Online dating ::
Calcium ::
Dressing ::
Bucket ::
Stain ::
Advanced ::
Dramatic ::
Self-medication ::

Posted by sally at 09:47 AM | Comments (2)

April 19, 2008

PhotoHunt: Thirteen

I must admit to being pretty proud of this, in a juvenile sort of way. Ever since I came up with the image I've been chuckling to myself.

Thirteen

Of course, with my luck, nobody will get the joke because it's way too obscure.

**Update** Ah. Good. It was just my thick and slow-moving brain last night that made it seem like a really hard puzzle. Everybody's getting it.

Posted by sally at 12:09 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

April 17, 2008

I Didn't Mean You Should All Go Away

The idea was to invite comments, not shut them down entirely.

Hello?

Well, I'll just be over here if you wanna say anything...

Posted by sally at 08:47 AM

April 16, 2008

Mixed Feelings

I woke up today and the sun was shining and I felt rested and happy.

And then I heard the cat trying to break something doing that annoying thing he does first thing in the morning when it's breakfast time and would you get out of bed and feed me Please?

I had dreams about happiness, images of happiness floating through my head. Peace and tranquility seemed within my reach.

And then while compressing the French press I glurped coffee and grounds all over the kitchen counter and under the cookbooks and into the knifeblock.

The sun was shining strong through the blinds in the bedroom and I realized it's April and the daffodils started blooming yesterday and that means the weather's changing.

And then I looked at the thermometer and it appears to be stuck at 34.9°F.

And suddenly my headache (the one I've had for about three days now) is back and my attitude has soured and I really, really hope the walk to campus will improve my attitude or I may just walk right past my office, head south and keep going.

Posted by sally at 08:26 AM

April 15, 2008

Long

Today? Was a very long day.

How long? Here's a play by play.

8:45am Leave for school
9:30am -12:15pm Teach
12:30-2 Update grade sheets, answer email
2-2:45 Walk downtown & back (about a mile total) to grab lunch
2:45-4:50 Grade grade grade grade Eat sandwich grade grade
4:50-5 Hike back downtown
5-6:30 Help 2 students with dialect stuff & discuss an entirely different play
6:30-8:45 Drinks/dinner/faculty meeting
9pm Arrive home, feed cats, realize we're out of coffee
9:30pm Drive to store for coffee & chocolate soy cream
9:45pm Collapse on couch & refuse to move any further. Ever.

Even without the store run, it was a 12 hour day. Damn. No wonder I'm yawning fit to make my face split.

The good news? Aside from how lovely and social and fun the meetings were is that I got about half of my grading done today. I should be all caught up by Friday, easy. Yay! Sort of taking the weekend off from teachery stuff would be great.

Posted by sally at 10:47 PM

April 14, 2008

Blah

I just wrote this huge whiny post which I then deleted because my troubles are both not that interesting and at least 70% of my own making. (I refuse to take responsibility for other people's emergencies and issues. Those people who have been sucking my energy and time with their bad attitudes and/or lack of planning are responsible for part of my burnout right now, the issue is how much of that is my fault for not putting my foot down and creating some boundaries and how much is completely out of my control.)

Anyway, the point is, I'm in a foul mood. Most of it is my own damn fault, I'm sure, but the fact remains that I am not sure how I'm going to get all of this work done if I never actually sit down to do it. Avoidance was the name of the game this weekend, and it's going to bite me in the ass.

I would really, really love a break, but I have to work my way out from under this steadily increasing pile of papers before I can justify taking one. I took a break for most of the weekend, and it wasn't all that restful because I was fully aware the entire time of all the things I should be doing. I've got to find the wherewithal to just face this shit and get it done so that it's done and then I can take a break.

I think I need a weekend away to look forward to. I sense a roadtrip in my future. Maybe graduation weekend would be a good time to head out of town...

Posted by sally at 08:44 AM

April 13, 2008

Speak Your Mind (Logistics and Other Boring Stuff)

I just finished something. A ball-busting project that was a pain in the ass to complete but will be, I think, worthwhile. I have now closed comments in every entry on this blog except for the last two or three. Here's why.

This post is Sallyacious entry number 827. Somewhere around entry 300, I started getting hammered with spam comments in older entries. I spent some time just deleting them, trying to leave comments open except for those entries that seemed to attract the spambots.

That turned out to be a temporary solution. So I used the comment moderation options on Moveable Type. Not so much helpful. The only thing that has ever worked against the blasted spambots, completely keeping them out of my comments, is to require people to sign in in order to comment. I HATE that option, it creates more problems than it solves. Some friends of mine can't get into the system, or it eats their comments. Other people don't want to bother with signing in. This, I understand, it's pain in the ass.

All this time (it's been a good three years since the spam comments started), I knew there was another way to do things. I just didn't want to take the time to close all of my old entries to comments. Because of course I had to do each entry individually. I couldn't just close a bunch at a time. And of course the longer I waited, the more back entries I had. There were, as I said, 300 or so when the problem started, closer to 400 when I realized I needed to take drastic action. Now, there are more than twice that many entries here.

Last summer (about 150 entries ago) I decided to close comments on my old stuff. It took forever and I only did about four months' worth. So I knew I had a slog ahead of me if I wanted to actually do this thing. And I wasn't willing, frankly, to take the time to do it.

Finally, though, I have had enough of the inconvenience to friends and friends-to-be (that would be those people who lurk but never say anything) with the commenting system. I want to hear from you. So I am opening comments to everybody.

I spent a good chunk of my time in the last week, and a LOT of yesterday, closing comments on all but the most recent two or three entries here. I will continue to close comments every time an entry gets to be two days old. However. This should do a lot toward keeping my comments spam-free, which means that I can now try removing the log-in requirment.

We'll see how it goes.

Posted by sally at 11:54 AM

Unconscious Mutterings Week 271

I have so much to do today. Enjoy.

Silence ::
Wall ::
Killed ::
Wishful ::
Poodle ::
Sullen ::
Do not disturb ::
Philadephia ::
Anticipation ::
Sidewalk ::

Posted by sally at 09:35 AM

April 12, 2008

One Flea Spare

I read the most amazing play this evening. That's the title, there, the title to this post as well.

... ... ...

And apparently that's all I can say about it. That it was amazing. They're doing it here in the fall, and I'm helping the director out next weekend by reading it for her with some other friends, so she can hear it with voices. I would love to actually perform it, but someone far better than me might come along and get the role I'd fit instead, so I need to not get my hopes up. But goodness. What a play.

When Polyphemos hopped up in my lap for a snooze just now (an event which has never happened before), I started reading it again. It's that kind of good. Finish the story, go back to the beginning and begin again good. Good good.

Posted by sally at 11:24 PM

National Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month, I've posted a new prompt on Prose Takes a Holiday. I use it in one of my classes to help my students see that 1) they can do anything, and 2) poetry isn't just for Shakespeare, serious people and/or Dr. Seuss. My friend Kate taught me the exercise. It's fast and it rocks.

And because I'm a firm believer in the power of the spoken word, I showed these two videos to my students in class. Two slam poets demonstrating that you can write a poem about anything.

Taylor Mali - Like Lily Like Wilson

Helena D. Lewis- Stank Breath

Posted by sally at 12:00 PM

PhotoHunt: Twist(ed)

Busi- and laziness combined kept me from going out to shoot something new for this week's PhotoHunt. Though I do at least have an entry for it this week.) I pulled it from my photo files. I don't think I've posted this pic before today. Anyhow, it's a look at some twisted items we don't normally get to see.

Can you tell what it is?

No?

It's the roots of a hyacinth bulb I forced one winter. Pretty cool, eh? I was fascinated by the pattern they all chose to follow as they filled the forcing container.

Here's what the flowers looked like. I thought the roots ended up being equally attractive.

Posted by sally at 08:17 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

April 11, 2008

Also, a New Prompt on Prose Takes a Holiday

Because I care. This one's fun and quick. Explore your refrigerator.

Posted by sally at 10:32 AM

Pleading Mental Exhaustion

Good grief. Why has it taken me this long to identify the symptoms?

I have an extended period of gogogogogo. And then I spend several days doing the bare minimum, with my "free" time all about escapism and not thinking. Even though there are all kinds of things I should be doing with that time, I can't motivate myself to do anything. But even as I do nothing, to rest the tired brain, I am wracked with guilt about the fact that I still have so much to do and I'm not doing any of it. (Which is, of course, an excellent way to motivate myself, reinforcing the mental image of me as a useless, lazy lump. Highly effective. If increasing my lumpness is the goal, anyway.)

Pre-internet, I would read during these down periods. Lots. Lots and lots and lots. I'd go through five or six books in a week, along with doing all of the stuff I was supposed to be doing. Now, I read the blogs I follow and then surf their blogrolls. Probably because I am finding memoir to be more interesting than fiction right now. And because I am lonely and want human contact, even if it's via pixels.

So anyway, here I am again. I've done a lot in the last several weeks, not to mention the past few months. A. Lot. I've had to be the rock in other people's rivers, to stand solid like the banks and let them be all fluid and rush-y because they had issues that needed addressing and I really didn't. So I could let it be all about them. That's beginning to wind down now, things are getting resolved. Gradually. But you combine the emotional upheaval of other people's crises with the very hard work of launching a full production in three weeks and a full time teaching load and, well, I wonder why I just want to sit and stare at things. And I mean to the extent of not even wanting to get up off the couch to make myself some dinner.

What I need is a vacation. A full-on go somewhere else where the entire point of being there is to hang out and not do anything vacation. Because I'm wiped, and it's affecting my attitude. I think if I even had three days off I would be able to manage. Just. Three. Days. where I don't have to be responsible for or to anyone. But I don't have that. Because there's a backlog of grading that must be done, all the grading that didn't get done while I was working on Woods of Weaver. I could have done a bunch of it last night, but I didn't. I just couldn't face it. And today, there will be more added to my pile. So I'll need to spend the weekend grading and learning lines for my next project (which I'm actually happy about working on, it's just a matter of making myself pick the script up), and that's not taking time off. I am so glad, so very very glad I have opted to co-teach two classes next year and call it good, because my currrent schedule is killing me.

Posted by sally at 09:12 AM

April 10, 2008

Now This Is More Like It

For the first time in I don't know how long, I stumbled tiredly into the living room this morning and looked out the windows to see absolutely no snow on the ground. I was beginning to lose hope, to believe that the winter of 2008 would just continue on forever and ever and ever. Despite, mind you, the emerging tulips and daffodils and allium and foxtail lillies and scilla and croci and leafbuds everywhere. Because the snow wasn't paying any attention to them, which meant that maybe I should ignore them too.

Thank goodness things are settling down in the rest of my life now, just as the weather is warming up to work outside temperatures, because I have to clean out the flowerbeds closest to the house and get some stuff (like the rosebush that is trying to eat the front porch and the tree it's protecting) in order. We want the messy, tumbled cottage look, not the "people who live hear eat small children and the occasional pet" look.

Speaking of which, short of actually killing and eating it, anyone have any ideas about how I can keep the neighbor's cat OUT OF MY DAMN YARD? All it does is poop in my flowerbeds and distress our cats, who have lived indoors their entire lives. Well, except for the bits before they lived with us. We have a couple of once-upon-a-time outsiders.

Okay. I need to go to school. I don't want to. I announced to Dave this morning when I took his coffee to him (because I'm all housewifely like that) that I don't want to teach today. I want to go to Mexico! Said with a very defiant stance, hands on hips, feet flat. Nobody listened. Well, Dave did. But I didn't see him getting on the phone and buying me a plane ticket while offering to teach my classes today. Mmmm... warm sun, warm sand, warm water, good food. I want to lie on a beach during the day and rescue sea turtles at night (yes, I do know it's the wrong time of year for that) and have someone else cook all of my meals for me. That is so clearly not happening.

On the other hand, I get to do THIS this summer while Dave is working like a madman in the local summer rep. I'm very excited about it. I registered early this week, after playing phone tag with the person in charge of adult programs there. I was so nervous that they wouldn't have room for me, given that the class is only fifteen people, but they did. And now I'm registered. I'm going to come back with so many cool ideas and techniques. Eeeeeeee! I get all wriggly on the couch just thinking about it.

In the immediate moment, however, I need to get my butt off the couch. I've got three and a half more weeks of teaching a full load and then I get the summer more or less off, followed by dropping down next fall to a schedule where I co-teach two classes and maybe a series of workshops so I can do art (like bookbinding!) (and scarves!) (and masks!) (and acting!). If I can't go to Mexico immediately, I guess looking forward to a--hopefully--more balanced schedule will keep me moving for the next little while. Besides. Once I get into the classroom, I actually do enjoy teaching. My issue of the moment is that I just don't want to leave the house.

Posted by sally at 08:17 AM

April 09, 2008

No Really, I Mean It This Time

Just in time for spring--though you'd never know it from looking out the window at the snow here--I am pleased to announce the resurrection of Prose Takes a Holiday.

From the ashes of its earlier immolation, rises a modest little website full o'writing prompts. Please visit, chat, stay for coffee, and leave your thoughts in the comments. (There, not here, I still haven't figured out how to get rid of the fucking spambots here.)

Posted by sally at 09:15 AM

April 08, 2008

I Thought I Was Going Mad

I just concluded a twenty minute search for my car keys. I looked in every room of the house. I checked the pockets of my shirt/pants/coat. Twice. I emptied my purse. I emptied my backpack. I looked under furniture. I took a brief break to go get the mail, hoping that maybe the thing that was staring me in the face would be more obvious when I re-entered the house.

Nothing.

I went back through it all again.

Still no keys.

I had just resolved to use David's keys for the car and look again for them later when Imogen got up from the fleece where she'd been snoozing. Directly on top of my car keys.

Remind me next time to look under the cats.

Posted by sally at 07:00 PM

And in Other News...

I really should be grading.

(Yeah, Sal, tell us something we haven't heard already.)

Well, I really should be. But I spent several hours today teaching, running errands and putting together lesson plans. I don't want to do any more fucking grading. Despite the fact that I have some very interesting looking assignments in my backpack. Assignments that will probably take no more than an hour to grade.

I really need to give myself some time to just rest. I mean, it's been a rough few weeks. And I've got a lot of other stuff coming up and I really only have a few weeks left of school this semester. And I can hear the grading calling quietly to me.

Even though I got very, very depressed grading exams because I feel like tests only set most students up to fail and don't teach them useful skills and the scores on these exams made that clear. I know these assignments will mostly be insightful and interesting. And there's not a huge number of them. And they're all art, no papers.

Nope. I'm not doing it. I have to read a play and have some dinner. I'm going to resist the siren call of the grading and do...

What?

Okay. Maybe after I eat.

Posted by sally at 06:36 PM

It's Snowing. Again.

Might I just remind the individual/corporation/committee in charge of the weather that it's April fucking eighth?

Posted by sally at 12:48 PM

April 07, 2008

Recovery

I am tired. I am wondering how long I will feel this way, how long it will take me to get back to my normal, bouncy self.

Some of it may be a bug. I still have little bouts of dizzy lightheadedness, which are becoming rarer, but which are still there occasionally. And so I may have picked up something that requires me to not stress myself too much for the next little while.

Or it might be exhaustion. I worked my ass into the ground over the past two, two and a half months, and my body may just be making it clear that a little rest might be in order. Just because.

So have I rested since the play closed on Saturday afternoon? Well, Sunday I did indeed take the day off and it was lovely. Loooooovely. I spent the entire day (when I wasn't doing laundry) sitting on my fat ass on the couch. Resting. It was heaven. Heaven.

Today started with another round of laundry. I walked to school (I know, I know, that's not exactly resting). I graded exams. I taught a class. I finished grading exams. I went to rehearsal. (For a small project, a very, very small yet interesting project, with three rehearsals a week, max.) I walked back to my office. I walked home. I read a play. I did some grocery shopping. I whitened my teeth. I did some more laundry. Aaaand that's pretty much my day up to the present moment. Now I'm sitting on my fat ass on the couch again, writing a blog entry and yawning. I think I may try to get to bed early. Just because.

Posted by sally at 09:23 PM

April 06, 2008

Unconscious Mutterings Week 270

Short & sweet, because it's all I have time for. I'm busy taking the day off.

Nutritious :: Delicious, PowerBar, supplements
Graduate :: School, degree, MFA
Tonight! :: The minutes seem like hours, the hours go so slowly and still the sky is light…
Located :: Here
Weapon :: Thunder (No, I have no idea at all where that came from.)
Jumper :: Cable, bridge, rabbit
Collectibles :: Antiques, bibbits, trash
Dennis :: the Menace
Hostile :: Hostel (From a nickname we gave a hostel in Edinburgh when I visited there in my 20’s. The desk clerk was a bit abrupt and there was a scary bunch of people hanging around out front. We called it the hostile hostel.)
Vivid :: Livid, bright, brilliant

Posted by sally at 11:57 AM

April 05, 2008

Dizzy

Which is what I'm feeling right now. I've either got a bug that's affecting my inner ear or I'm just so tired that I can't function. I'm thinking it's the tired. I did try to sleep last night, but I kept waking up. I went to bed early and I even let myself sleep in, and yet I was still awake at about the same time as usual. Anyway, since I have a matinee at two, I'm really hoping that this feeling will go away if I just eat enough and take a shower. And that the focus that I have to bring to being onstage will mitigate the lightheadedness like it does headaches and nausea.

There have been two mornings in the past eight or nine days when I've awakened after a short night that followed a long, hard day and had bed spins. I'd wake up, roll over on my side and a minute later, the world was spinning like crazy. I think the fluid in my inner ear just took a minute to slosh back into place, which is what makes me think it might be a bug, because it settles down gradually, just like fluid splashing back and forth in a bowl. BUT. I have GOT to make it through the performance and photo call. (Which will be interesting, given how demolished my hair is by the end of the play vs. its pristine condition at the beginning and the fact that you can't get a brush through it due to the ratting and the hair product. It's not an easy fix, by any stretch of the imagination.) If eating doesn't clear it up, I'm not staying for the response. I can't. Not if I continue to feel like this. I'm not up for any awards or anything, and it's just silly to force myself to keep going if I don't need to.

I had to tell a director last night that I can't do his project. I feel awful about it, but given how tired I am now, I think I would be demanding trouble, not just asking for it, if I insisted on taking on another round of four or five weeks of rehearsals beginning tomorrow. I'm exhausted. And behind. Well, not really behind. I've got about fifteen more exams to grade and a set of major assignments in one class and three written assignments, plus a couple of major projects to grade in another class. Plus, of course, lesson plans. That's probably a week's worth of evenings, and in the meantime they'll be turning more stuff in. I need to get on top of this. And I want to start getting to the gym again, which I can't do if my spare time during the day is spent grading and my evenings are spent in rehearsal with more grading to follow. I just can't do it.

It sucks prodigiously that the thing I have to say no to is an acting gig, one with my husband, no less, but I've got to take care of myself or I will have to spend a long time recovering, and I really don't want/can't afford to do that.

Okay. The head's feeling a little better, more attached to my shoulders and closer to the ground now that I've eaten a bit of breakfast. Once my folks get here, I'll probably drag them out for more food before I have to get to the theatre to spend two hours on my hair and makeup. Seriously. My fight for the fight call lasts about 45 seconds. But I have to be at the theatre thirty minutes before everyone else to get my hair right. It's so worth it, though, given the "gorgeousness" of it once it's done. (And yes, those quotation marks are meant to be ironic. That's what they do. If I'd wanted to simply make the word stand out, I'd have used italics.)

Posted by sally at 09:37 AM | Comments (2)

April 04, 2008

A Truly Good Man

I met Greg Mortenson yesterday.

Surely you know who he is. You must. He's the subject/co-author of the book Three Cups of Tea. Which is currently Number One on the New York Times Bestseller list.

I'm teaching his book in one of my freshman core classes right now. We're one of ten classes that opted to read the book this semester, to tie in with his visit to Moscow. Seventeen hundred people in the community and surrounding area attended his lecture last night. I wasn't one of them, since I had a performance. But in the afternoon, after he spoke at the high school, he gave a lecture just for the students in those ten classes. To be sure they got to hear him. One of many, many generous acts on the part of this man who has done so much for so many people.

His lecture made me cry. Just like his book makes me cry. Every three to five pages, I burst into tears. Not at the stories of deprivation and sadness. No. Those things are awful, but they're not what trigger the sobbing. It's the generosity, the hope, the commitment to education and the love people have for their children, for whom they will do anything. Those are the things that start the tears. It's the fact that this supremely generous man encourages equally generous acts in other human beings. His selflessness is contaigious.

I mean, how many directors of 501(c)3 organizations do you hear making the following suggestion? One of the ways the Central Asia Institute first made money was through a fundraising drive by school children in Minnesota called "Pennies for Peace." Mortenson advocates people who want to help start their own "Pennies for Peace" drive. But then he takes it one step further, and suggests that people share the love. Don't give the proceeds to the CAI every year, he told us yesterday. Give it to your local libraries one year, some other organization the next. How many other charities would be so generous?

Standing in line afterwards, waiting for Mortenson and David Relin to sign my book, I was pleased to see several of my students waiting as well. Given that I cried in class on Monday when talking about his sacrifices and the sacrifices others have made to be sure these children have schools, I was so happy to see that his story has also touched so many of them so deeply.

One student was directly behind me in line. And as we got to the table, I told David Relin that I couldn't thank them enough for writing Three Cups of Tea because the message was so important. And she (my student) added, "Yeah. She can't cry enough when talking about it in class either," which was a lovely and funny response. And then Greg Mortenson said, "I tear up every time I hear one of these children start reading," which almost set me off again.

So there you have it. Sorrow and horror and destruction don't make me cry. Hope does. I would happily weep for the rest of my life if it meant we had more people like Greg Mortenson around.

Posted by sally at 10:00 AM | Comments (2)

Happy Belated Birthday Katala!!!

Can you believe this sweet girl is seventeen?

Posted by sally at 08:11 AM

April 02, 2008

Self-Portrait with Eye Shadow

Show's open. Two more performances. I received a high compliment this evening, when one of my students remarked to my TA, "I forgot it was Sally!" Bless, bless, bless Maaike for passing that on. What a lovely thing to hear.

I thought I'd share a bit of the ridiculousness with you. You'll have to excuse the blur, I'm tired and decided to give up on the photography aspect of things. Given the action of the play, you also don't get to see my fancy big Texas updo either. Which is kind of sad. It's quite the hair. However, you can still see the makeup. Which is what matters. Just remember that my character makes a living as a Civil War reenactor and then revel in the full glory of my eyelids.

Posted by sally at 09:33 PM | Comments (4)

Off

Which, when you think about it, is really close to "oof!" Only one letter difference. And the sound I've been making a lot recently which led me to take the morning off. And the afternoon. I will drive to campus to be present for one class and then I will drive home again. And then I will drive back for the show. Because I'm not walking home alone at 10pm, mostly. Not alone and carrying all the gear I have to carry.

All that aside, the most important bit is that I won't have office hours today. It means a bunch of grading won't get done, even though it ought to, but I don't care. I need a break, and so I am taking one. We open tonight, and I want to be sure I'm ready to go, rested and energized. It's a high energy show, and I've been burning the candle at both ends lately.

In fact, yesterday I took an online quiz that determined I was 89% burned out. "Make a change in your situation as soon as possible," it said. I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying. But I'm still waiting on everybody else to see what changes I get to make and what changes I get to adapt to. In the meantime, I can take the day (mostly) off. That should make quite a difference.

Posted by sally at 07:50 AM | Comments (2)

Sallyacious

I am an artist. I am here to live out loud. -- Emile Zola